'I feel' because you might not feel the same

I don't understand why are things in my school not organised. Why are there not enough people to take up responsibilities given to the amount of unemployment in India. I don't understand why there isn't a proper communication mechanism in place considering that there are 4 different mediums working in the same building in 2 different slots. No I don't suffer from any OCDs. In fact I believe OCDs are over-rated.They shouldn't exist unless you are clinically diagnosed with that. Still they shouldn't exist. Okay. Point. To ask for perfection is not too much. To ask for an organised organisation isn't being sick. Its normal. Very normal. Okay, we teachers will sit for 2 hours extra every Saturday and clean our school but where is the discipline (that we claim to teach our kids and say it is essential for being given a place in the society in the category of good people) in just running the school without any chaos and disorder (I mention both chaos and disorder because I feel both when mentioned alone are lesser evil than what we teachers face in our day to day lives).

My left hand was almost about to get fractured (doctor said) because of this very chaos. I won't mention the incident as that will just ruin my beautiful writing. So you give in the rare people you have to mould your future for saving on hiring more people into an organisation or maybe I should say institution so very important. At first I felt infuriated when a parent said, 'aapko paagar milti hai kaam karneki' I literally wanted to stab her with a pencil that my 7 year olds use to write what I teach. But then I realised she is in the same boat as me (and she can push me in the sea). How can u expect a normal human being to stay calm in a overly disorganised organisation that is very important for the future generation. Anyway I also feel that I can whine better when Im high on a good book (maybe because it just got over, and I'm back to my usual life).

But again 'I feel' because you might not feel the same.

They never said it was easy!

I always wondered, what keeps people motivated to work?  Is it money, fame, recognition, ambition? How do people leave jobs that give tangible rewards and take up tasks that seems almost impossible, hopeless, and difficult? All my questions were answered instantly, when Mr. Nipun Mehta, founder of ServiceSpace said, “If you are connected to humanity, if you form a circle of love, you won’t need money, fame or recognition”. Think about it.

When after 5 weeks of training, I entered my classroom in a Government school, I was more than surprised to see good infrastructure. I had nothing to complain about with regards to the demographics of my school. But this is a very small percentage of the actual scenario. I know fellows working in dingy classrooms, no fans, no windows, 60 students sitting in a small classroom all crammed up, classrooms with tin roofs which rattle and leak during monsoons etc. All the bright, young professionals, who have left their AC offices, for some who have relocated this is a huge change. But they choose to be the part of a movement, a movement that with the utmost convictions says, ‘one day all children will attain an excellent education’.

All this is fine. All this is what we were prepared for when we committed to dedicate two years to this movement. What comes as a shock is, when we enter a grade 6 classroom and realize only 20% of the kids can speak in English and 50% of the class can understand basic instructions in English. We are here to bridge the gap. To bring our kids to their grade levels, and here we start from the scratch. Not only do we struggle with math, fluency, comprehension, writing, but we also struggle with empowering them to understand and speak in English. But we don’t give up. We promise to give our 100% and do whatever it takes to empower these kids.

What comes next is what we fellows face on a daily basis. Instructional hours: on an average, schools in India are for 5 hours. Out of which a lot of time goes by in settling, recess, morning assembly, virtual class etc. Apart from this, there are a lot of last minute changes to the time-table and our plans. Some days the craft teacher wants an hour with the kids, on the other days the Marathi teacher is rushing with her portion. There are days when the principal calls for a meeting, and on the others the school is celebrating Eid, Holi or Diwali. We are struggling every hour. We have kids from various levels in our classrooms and so it is not uncommon to take on these groups separately to help resolve the differentiation which involves extra class, differentiated plans and constant permissions from the school officials to let us use the classrooms apart from the school hours. In some cases, fellows also resort to teaching in open spaces around the schools.

What still keeps us going? One fine day, Safialam comes and fills my empty water bottle with the water that is in his water bottle. When I asked him why is he doing so? He replies, “Didi, you talk all day, you never complain when you have a sore throat, isn’t it our responsibility to take care of you like you take care of us”. We easily term these kids ‘poor’ or ‘underprivileged’ , ever wondered how do they manage to make you smile every single day with so little to give.

Lost and found

She hated herself. She hated herself for those scars, for loss of people, for pain, for all that added to her confusion, for the organization she worked for, for little things that affected her. She hated herself for her heart, her head and her body. She hated herself because she couldn't love enough or because she loved too much.

Today, as she looks back she has fallen in love with that hate. Hating something, someone is easier than hating you. She does not remember when she suddenly changed, or maybe her thoughts changed. Maybe she was destined to change, but she does not believe in destiny. What was that, that changed her? She fails to get an answer to that, but it does not matter anymore. She needed a motivation, she needed appreciation, she needed respect, and she needed to know that she is absolutely amazing. Sometimes, all you need in life is to be reminded how awesome you are. How your existence is important to someone somewhere somehow. And more often, you won’t believe it when someone who loves you says that. Maybe, maybe because we take our close ones for granted.  

She was a storm, both in and out. And she made it evident almost every time. Today she looks back and realizes she is as calm as those books that speak to you in a way no-one but only you will understand. She loves, and at the same time expects little. She dances, and her feet do not get tired. She sings, even if she knows her voice is not heard. She reads, without the fear of losing interest. She looks up in the polluted sky and finds exactly the stars that are not visible to the other million people. She knows that there is something beautiful is in her that has made her what she is today. She looks back often, just to find out what, what has made her this in a matter of 9 months. Has 2014 brought luck, but the very thought of luck makes her sulk. It isn't luck, it’s something else, self-realization? Yes, maybe.

Sometimes, your thoughts are a hurdle in discovering yourself. Sometimes, you don’t know how you are different from others. Sometimes you idolize someone so much that you want to be them. And then life brings you here, where your thoughts change, your discoveries are immense, you accept that you aren't one of those, and you start idolizing yourself. And from there you rise up, in yourself. You don’t need any more external appreciation, or any more external motivation or any more external respect to be yourself. Because you now believe in yourself, and automatically you start believing in life, in humanity. 

For helping educate, is empowering an entire generation

Education is the only sustainable way that you can empower someone. And thus, in February 2014, I dared to fill in the form of Teach ForIndia Fellowship. Today, I’m teaching, 40 little 2^nd graders at a Municipal School in Kurla (Mumbai).

After working for a year in a small PR consultancy, I realized it wasn't my cup of tea. A knack for teaching, too much love for kids, and a desire to make a difference, made me join Teach For India.

My Classroom is full of love and joy. My kids are enthusiastic, they love art, colors, dance, answering and asking questions. They come from the communities around the school. Some also come from communities away from school.

My kids belong to the age-group of 7-8 year olds. This is the age when a child learns to become independent, develop values and mindsets, starts to build greater physical strength, shows rapid development in mental skills, begins to work in groups and express himself/herself in different ways.

Keeping this in mind, I have designed my presence in their lives. From Academic Achievement, Values and mindsets to Exposure and Access, I’m here to provide them with everything I can for empowering them to become independent and responsible citizens of India.

My vision for my kids is: they will be able to differentiate the wrong and the right, be passionate about whatever they do, and be able to make a difference to the world around them in whatever small ways they can.

For this, here are some things I’m doing in my class:

1.     *  We and Our Heroes: Our Class will learn about fictional and non-fictional heroes, their work, their life, their people and their values. We will identify and meet the heroes in our community and learn from them. We will have at-least one idol, which will inspire us to reach our individual goals more efficiently.

* We are a team: We will learn to work in a team, respect each other, and work hard to achieve our goals. We will demonstrate our class values outside our class too. We are also going to play lot of football.

* The ‘WHY’ behind our learning’s: We will know the why behind everything we learn in class, our class rules, class consequences, values etc. We will ask questions and seek to learn every moment.

I signed-up for this single-handedly but to achieve this vision and the goals I need your help. Not only do I need a lot of stationary, books, I need finances for classroom resources, field trips and other logistics.

Your contribution will not only empower 40 kids, but also empower those 40 kids to empower other several people in their communities. You will help in empowering the future. This is a movement, to being a change, to make a difference; it’s a movement towards education equity. If we all believe in this movement, trust me, one day all children will receive an excellent education.

Though I can’t afford to return the favor, but I promise to keep you updated about the happenings in my class. Also my kids love meeting new people, and you are welcome in my class anytime. You will also receive cute drawings from my kids (They absolutely love making gratitude cards) for your generous contributions. And what is more valuable than those smiles.

You can help me in many other ways. Reach out to me with your suggestions and questions through mails at ruchika.thakkar2014@teachforindia.org.  I will be glad to hear from you.

Hoping to get your love and support.

PS: Sharing a link to my Flipkart Wishlist : http://www.flipkart.com/wishlist?link=home_wishlist

I need a Football coach urgently. 

Love,

Ruchika Thakkar

“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

When I look around, I see so much happiness

‘When I look around, I see so much pain’, she thought to herself. Her purpose before taking the big decision of applying to Teach For India was to do something for the humanity.

And now: ‘When I look around, I see so much happiness’, she thought to herself. Her purpose is a little clearer now. She is here to do something for the humanity. That something is giving some comfort, some happiness, some love.

No, those kids with broken homes, with small desires, being beaten up every day, walking to school alone, they do not need sympathy, they do not need your money, your gifts, they need safe environment, they need fun, they need happiness, they need love. Give them just a hug and they will hug you every day. Share your tiffin with them, and see the pride in their eyes. Give them small little star stickers, and they will treasure it for life.

No, my work is not difficult. I love kids, I love humanity, I love simplicity. And no, I wasn't born with all this, I came to be this over time. When that one kid in your class, who would sit quite, wouldn't share, eat her tiffin alone, comes to you one fine day with a packet of star shaped candies and says “Didi this is for you, no-one gives you stars no”, you can’t help but love your work. When that one kid honestly raises his hands, when you ask the class, who does not like didi, you know they feel safe in your class.

In past 3 months, more than anyone, I have come to discover myself. I have come to being happy, patient, loving and kind. All the philosophical stuff suddenly makes sense to me now. How much we complain, how much we cry, how irritated we really are, give it a thought.

No, I am not doing any social work. I’m getting paid for it. I love teaching, this is an amazing experience and this is leadership program, which helps me become a leader. But now all this is secondary. I love my work, I love my kids, and I’m here to make a difference. Difference in the life of others and myself.

I often look at them and think, is this love or sympathy?

I often look at them and think, is this love or sympathy? You know that feeling of being caught up in your own thoughts, and never being able to find the answers. Love – vague but beautiful, sympathy- again vague but essential.  Sympathy because you love them or you love them because you feel sympathetic.  I have always been caught up with this. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. People hate sympathy but it isn't a bad thing, or is it?

Oh look, he needs love, so I’m giving him that warmth or Oh look he is adorable, and I love him.

Oh look, she does not have a supportive family, so I will give her as much support as I can, or oh look she can do wonders, why not support her as much as I can.

Conflicting mind, kind soul is a weird combination. You never know if it’s the mind that makes you feel for someone or the soul. Those lovely little sparkling eyes make you do things or that kind little heart inside you is enough to pick up the brush and paint the future. I have wondered all my life, trying to figure out if its just me, myself or is it influenced by an external condition, force or whatever.

Is sympathy really bad, or is this another mindset society has created for man? Is humanity a condition or is it a natural everyday life process, I wonder. She kisses my palms, looking at my mehendi. She saves some candy just so that she can share it with me. He draws a new animal everyday to get those little stars from me. He smiles a million times, because I like smiling faces.  I look at him and wonder what will he grow up to be. I look at her and think what will be her next question.

They all leave home and come to me for 5 hours, because they love me, being around, or because school is compulsory. They come because they want to get out of those tiny houses, or because they really love me?

I wonder. I wonder each day. Is it sympathy that keeps me going or is it empathy?

Sometimes saying sorry is just not enough!!!

A cheeky, pampered, dramatic girl that she had been for the first twenty years of her life came crashing down sometime back. She could scam, flirt, make a big deal out of everything and be a bitch to almost every guy she met. When the situation turn worst she could manage to squeeze out few fake tears and gain as much sympathy as she could to force people to love her and when everything failed, she would build a tower out of lies like a motherfucker. For her a consequence was a narrow concept that was nothing more than a chart kids make in high school.

And like they say, Karma, almost slapped her face, turning it red and blue. The guy she was best friends with, the guy she had fallen for, the guy she had almost given up half of her shit dumped her (for all the aforementioned reasons) . The excuses about her imperfect childhood, the excuses about how they had been together for 3 years and how she would die if he leaves her, those real tears and that genuine fear, nothing was working. When he broke up with her she was obviously devastated. Just like, ‘pick up a knife and chop off your own head’ devastated. He called her a bitch. He called her true feelings bullshit. She had to face the real consequences now. There was no fixing here, it was a fairy tale nor was it a bollywood movie.

She was a problem solver. She had always been a fixer, she always found solutions for almost everything, and here she was stuck, stuck with the reality. She felt like a fool, when she tried reasoning out with herself, saying he will come back one day, this will pass or he is going to miss her. There was no coming back happening here. He had gone, tired of her shit, he had lost more than she had.

She fucked up something beautiful by being a psychotic bitch, with her irrational and dramatic ideas, mixing her true genuine love with her insecurities and she was now trying to fix the unfixable.

So I guess it’s like this: sometimes in life, you will do horrible, shitty things that make you want to cringe and slap yourself over the head.  Then you will feel so awful that you will want to take action to try and “fix” them.  But you can’t.  Because sometimes, the things we do are too awful to fix and saying sorry is just not enough.  And you’ve got to put down the phone or get off Facebook and just let it be.  And sit with the horrible, shitty thing you did and know that even sorries come with consequences.

We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing.” – Charles Bukowski

“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing.” – Charles Bukowski

For years she believed what society told her. She kept learning looking at the actions of those around her. She was just another product of the society’s inability of reasoning and fake love. She grew up thinking love was not just about giving unconditionally but there were any ifs and buts to it.

She was put into a new world for a few weeks. She was told everything she could never believe. She could not accept anything for a long time. And when she did, she wasn’t aware of it as it was a very unconscious effort. Love and gratitude and the concept of Seva, somehow touched her. Maybe she always believed in those, but the society suppressed those feelings and forced the feeling of hatred and selfishness on her. She was in peace. She couldn’t involve herself in so much love, but looking at as a observer, gave her a lot of peace. She was happy to stand in the audience, without moving an inch and look at those on the stage, genuinely loving each other.

Peace does not last forever. She was sent back to the world she belonged to, to impart the things she had learnt on some tiny souls. She was confident; she was excited, she was glad she would be able to be the change. The first thing, after she entered the world of hatred and selfish gains, was mind your own business or you won’t be happy. People will take advantage of your kindness and use you. Was it that easy for people to take your advantage in this universe? When you help others, do you do that to receive something significant from them? Or is the satisfaction you get of helping others enough? The person you are helping, are you giving that person one more chance to be selfish or you are doing it because it makes it easier for the other person, or maybe you are doing it because it gives you some kind of satisfaction. Does the last reason say that you are selfish?

I leave it open for you all, to think, to question, to explain to justify. She is confused, she is lost, she is on a path where such questions will arise. She is strong, she will surpass, but she feels she won’t find the answers ever.

Abusing the innocence

She was as young as a 6^th grader. Had recently started to hit puberty and was experiencing the anxieties she couldn't understand. She felt like she was losing herself to the constant don’t do this, don’t do that of the society. She was confused, happy, anxious, sad, angry everything at the same time. She felt dirty, clean, pretty, ugly everything together. She was not an adult neither a kid any more, and this often put her in the state of trance.

Summer vacations are always the time to have fun, enjoy, visit new places and meet relatives. Like every year, this time she will be meeting her uncles and aunts, and she was very excited about it. She was going to meet her mom’s uncle and aunt and their family this year. She was meeting them for the first time. She had packed a day before and was super excited to leave the following morning. She had heard great stories about her uncle and aunt, they had spent a great amount of time in a foreign country, and recently their son had returned from abroad, Mom had told her he had brought lots of chocolates for her. She had never expected that this visit will be so memorable that the scenes from the two days she spent there, will haunt her all her life.

They had reached the house and hour back. She was introduced to everyone there and was very happy with all the chocolates, games, gifts and so much delicacies that was offered to her. Soon, she got bored of the constant yapping of her mom and aunt. Noticing her boredom, her aunt asked her to go inside and play on the computer for a while. You can’t imagine the happiness on her face when her aunt mentioned COMPUTER. Those were the days when everyone did not own a computer, and those who owned one were not allowed to sit and play on them most of the times, as computers those days were only for work. She jumped from her seat and went inside. While trying to figure out how to switch on the computer, her uncle came to her rescue. A man in his 50s, sat beside her while she was busy playing a game. Slowly made her sit in his lap, put his hands around her waist, and in no time his hands were inside her t-shirt, caressing her tiny growing breasts. She sat there in disgust, in confusion, in pain for 15 long minutes, after which she just got up and went to her mother, sat there in silence till dinner was served. The man continued to sit beside her whenever he got a chance the entire evening, picking up magazines are showing her images of scantily clad women, describing them to be sexy. She was scared, could not move, could not utter a word, just wanted to run away from that house and never return back.

That night she had a hard time sleeping. And as she got some sleep, it was morning already. And to add to the horror and pain, as soon as she opened her eyes she could feel that man’s hands inside her night-dress. She could hear his voice, saying, “Beta, sleep, this will give you a nice sleep”. She got up pushing him behind and went to her mother, asking her to leave from that place at once. She kept throwing tantrums until her mom finally decided to leave. The entire time her mom kept dismissing her tantrums by saying, “She is very close to her father, can’t stay away from him even for a night you see”.

That incident still haunts her. She has kept quiet about it for years together. That uncle is avoided in most of the family functions, by most of her female cousins, probably because she was not the only victim. 

I will..Teach for India

She was lost, confused, frustrated, irritated, everything negative that can possibly effect an individual was effecting her. She had spent 3 precious years and graduated, making everyone around her happy. But here she was, she had completed 9 months of her work and there was nothing she had learnt, nothing that had made her happy. She would eat blankly, meet friends and yap about work, and sleep praying somehow she finds a valid reason not to go to office the next day. This frustration would only result in more frustration and nothing else. Happens with most of us, right? So many people end up doing something they would never want to do, all their life.

She always wanted to teach. In-fact her long term plan was taking up part time teaching after earning substantially experience. Suddenly one of her friends, who knew about her love for teaching, asked her to apply for Teach for India fellowship, one day before the deadline. She didn’t think twice and here she is, writing this down, as she is still digesting the fact that she cracked the long process of the selection.

My mom is a teacher. I have heard her complain about Indian Education System. I had a client, who is a Developmental Pediatrician, Dr. Anjana Thadhani, who also owns an NGO, and is a child rights activist too. Several times, in meetings, I have heard her talk about RTE and how it has not done any good to the education system. I somehow connect with the TFI vision and mission, and I think everyone will, once they know the condition and understand the value of education. But thinking, talking, discussing, understanding, and complaining are definitely not the ways we can do anything and I decided to take up this fellowship.

My parents are really cool. They never forced me to take up engineering or get married at the age of 21. They trusted me, and kept me away from home since I was as young as 15. Keeping your daughter away from home for 6 long years isn't’t easy. They did not question me about TFI, until I sat with them to sign my commitment letter. All that they asked me was a simple question, “Are you sure?” They did not repeat the question after my firm “Yes”. But somehow I sense they are not as happy, as overwhelmed, as excited as I am. Maybe with time, they will accept it wholeheartedly.

My question is quite simple. We talk about positivity. Everyone talks about positivity. When we do something good for the people who deserve it, when we give them happiness with whatever we can, shouldn’t we expect that the outcome will be fabulous? Shouldn't we think that we will only reflect positivity? Service to man is service to God, they say, so why do we worry when we give up on good jobs, good opportunities (good here means money and experience) and invest our 2 years in doing something good to others? God is there, right? We believe in the power that we haven’t seen, but we do not believe in ourselves, our power to change something, very little in the society we crib about day in and day out. Musicians, Artists, Actors, each one of them entertain you, make you laugh, cry, feel, right? When you come home frustrated after work, that music makes me calm down, doesn't it? Then why are all these careers not encouraged as much as other careers are.

People will come, ask me and my family 100 questions, what? Why? But she studied advertising no? I’m sure she must have not got a good job. Should it matter to me? I will be walking in the classroom each morning, smiling, enthusiastic, in the expectation that we (me and my students) will learn together the lessons of life. I will sleep in the nights planning how my next day will be. I will happily plan sometime out with family and friends, probably counselling them about their jobs and discussing how to bring change. I’m happy, because there is no leadership like being a teacher, and there no noble profession than being a provider of knowledge and learning.

Go on, O traveler!

How does it feel to be different? Having a different set of ideas, and standing by those ideas always? How does it feel to be considered as an outcast? Because you don’t know what you want to become in life?

He woke up asking such questions to himself each day. He likes to spend hours in his bathroom, with the tap on, listening to the drops hitting the water in the bucket. He is lost in his own thoughts most of the times, and fears that his thoughts will kill him someday. He loves being around people and discussing, but he finds peace in being alone in the company of some music or his thoughts alone. He wants to give up on everything and hit the road, with or without music, because what he believes is that world is music. There is constantly music around us, we fail to acknowledge it, probably because man has stopped imagining all the beautiful things, and has lost the ability to perceive things as they are, without judging them.

He says, Go on, O traveler. Life is a car and time its wheels. He wants to drive his car, but people often pull and push, hit and run, turn it around and kick it hard. No, that does not affect him, he is still on the driver’s seat. He loves colors, but somehow black and white appeals to him more than anything else. He wants to go back in time, and experience the nature at its best. Maybe be a nomad for a while. He believes that thoughts, thoughts alone are the best friend of man. There is high that the air gives us. He does not blame the world. He feels sad for the people, because most of them are in a bad trip and they don’t know how to enjoy that bad trip.

He has learned the art of enjoying the bad trip and converting it into a good one when he feels like. He hasn't perfected it, but his thoughts often give him confidence and hope. He likes being around his thoughts, he talks to his thoughts, argues, discuss and they together come up with a conclusion. He is just like everyone, with a different set of ideas and thoughts, and that makes him what he is. He falls in love, eats, dances, talks, meets people but everything with a different perspective in his mind. It’s his soul that talks, he chooses not to use his brains when it is not needed. He loves himself, and so he loves his life, he loves everything that God has created, because he believes everything is out there because it was meant to be there.

And that’s why, when he looks around, he says, ‘Go on. O traveler’. 

Holding on to the strings

She couldn't express her feelings in words. But that wasn't the problem, the problem was that she tried expressing, and she failed every time. He would judge her words, and made conclusions based on them. She loved words, she loved people, and she loved life. He loved thoughts, he loved landscapes, and he loved

imagination. 

They were two different people, deeply in love with each other. But often when you fall in love, you just fall in love. There is no reason. After falling in love with him, she felt that people fall in love with each other’s differences, or was it only her. Oh, he loves adventure, how interesting, I have never had the opportunity to do something adventurous, and I might like it too. Oh she is so bubbly, I’m not like that, I love her eyes, and they twinkle all the time. She would always worry about all the things around her, and he just lived because life is to be lived, with no aim or reason.

She would dance to feel her body move, he would dance because the music would make him groove. They were different people but they were in love with each other’s differences. But love always becomes a little complicated, because with time she couldn't help asking questions: What is that thing which he loves about me? Why is he so careless? He started to compare his love to hi imagination, to the world he had created in his mind. Why is the love so entangling? Why isn't' it like a free bird?

She would get upset, and he would get irritated. She would complain, and he would shout. She would anyway want to forget it, but he would hold on to it. She would stop talking, and he would stop to imagine. The differences they loved, were falling apart. She would no more write, and he would no more play music and take her to his world. She would no more try and express and he would no more tell her stories. She would no more look into his eyes, and he would no more make love to her.

But they were in love, they couldn't leave. He was still there, and she was still here. He still cared, and she would still worry. He would still build stories, and she would still write. But they were scared to communicate. The strings were very weak, they could break any moment. Both of them were holding on to them, they never knew they will break anyway. 

Letter to the Boss!

The mail, that one young female had the balls to mail her boss sometime back. I'm quite impressed, I'm sure you will too! 

Dear Sir,

I have been working with you since past 8 months now, and I’m sad to say that nothing really has inspired me till now. Considering that this is my first full-time job, I have been really depressed and unhappy with the fact that I will be taking almost nothing with me when I will leave this place, which is very unfortunate.

Kindly, don’t take the above sentences in the negative; because those are just to make the whole environment I have been working in with the others a little positive. Everyone sticks to a job, if that interests him/her and inspires/motivates him/her  to learn and improve, but here, I haven’t found much of a motivation, there is nothing different that this workplace has given me, and the little hopes that I have from this place is what is prompting me to write this mail to you.

Firstly, since past 3 months, I have been getting the salary late (for whatever reason it might be) , in-spite of the fact that you know I don’t reside with my family, nor is my family very well to do to feed me and pay my rent and other expenses.

Parents educate their children, so that they can earn and live a independent life, I won’t want to ask my parents for money every month, what’s the point of calling myself a PR Executive if I have to still walk up to someone for money? I hope you understand this well, as you are an independent businessman yourself

Now, this month again, I haven’t received my salary, my house owner is yelling at the top of his voice outside my door each day I return home from office for the rent. My tiffin-wala has recently lost his father, and I have kept him hanging for the money (I’m sure he needs the money more than I or you need it), it gets more depressing, as it does not allow my consciousness to breathe.

Secondly, past 8 months, and I’m still get 13,000/-. I don’t think that is enough for the amount of work I have been doing which includes content, client servicing, Media relations, social media (which I have stopped recently, simply because I’m tired of everything) sometimes helping with the banner, making presentations & going for other meetings. According to me I deserve a raise.

Lastly, 8 months and still no offer letter, requesting you to consider that too.

So I would request you to reconsider employing me here. Timeliness, a Good work environment, organized work, and appreciation is all I’m asking for. And I’m sure my colleagues will agree with all the above. It’s already 10^th today, and unfortunately I haven’t received my salary cheque which will take another 3-4 days to credit.

If you feel I’m not good enough, ask me to leave, I will leave with all my dignity. If you think I have been rude above, I would request you to step in my shoes for a while, and if you think I’m justified, do consider this mail seriously.

The final decision is yours. You can chose to ignore, or act upon this mail, either positively or negatively.

Regards,

A fellow human-being

Oh, so you left your job, what now?

“Oh, so you left your job, what now?” – I have come across this question at-least 12345 times in past one month. “umm uhhh I don’t know, not thought about it”, and then you see raised eyebrows, worried faces, and you-are-good-for-nothing cum you-wasted-your parents-money glares. I don’t get this. Recently I heard an uncle saying, “Why didn't you opt for diploma for your son, He will be doing engineering only no?” I don’t get this.“So you are not working now, why don’t you give those Bank exams?”

I don’t have the words to explain people or my own family that I’m not running behind the money, or behind fame, I’m looking for something that will make me happy, simply happy. ‘Oh but, you will get married one day, and then how will you survive and feed your family?” Why do I have to get married, and why do I have to have a family? Why can’t I just do what I like, get paid enough to take care of my basic needs, and live life my way?

“You don’t have a direction in life, first get some professional degree, make sure you will get a job that will pay you enough and then do what you want, secure your life first” I don’t get this. I’m 21, I have quite some time left in my life, which I can live on my own, without worrying about the family, and marriage etc. Why can’t I live it my way? All our lives we run behind securing our lives. I have to study because I have to earn, I have to earn because I have a family, I have a family, now I need to earn a little more, now I have to educate my children, get them married, and die peacefully, and dying peacefully needs money, eh?

Sitting at home, surfing on internet, listening to some music, having no job in hand is such a big deal. Why can’t I sit at home doing nothing for a while? I’m taking up a fellowship for two years. I’m doing this because I love this. But you studied advertising, why do you want to teach now? Oh so you want to be a teacher, why don’t you do B.Ed then? I want to teach for a while. I want to teach because I want to be a part of this particular fellowship, or this particular movement. I want to teach but that’s not the only thing I want to do. So you can do this later in life, first secure your life, get a proper degree, which will give you a permanent job……. But I don’t want to teach later, I might not want to teach later, I might not feel like doing it later, I’m not dying, I can study all my life. Right now I want to do what I can do, something that will make me happy, something that will give a satisfaction

Please stop advising, it is doing no good. It will either discourage me or make me like everyone else. I want to be me, and I want to be happy and money definitely can’t keep me happy for long.

True Example of being a Sexist, a hypocrite, and a Asshole

Sometimes you need to say a lot of things, but it is best to keep quite. Certain people just don't matter to you, but you are so angry at their inconsistency that you cannot keep quite. Sometimes I feel it's easier to write than to speak to them, because talking mostly turns out to be a never-ending argument, so you might as well just write and pour your heart out, and believe that the person has read it, and though hasn't responded, he exactly knows what you think about him and feel guilty inside.

Well, I have come across a lot of really bad people in my life. I have seen those people who don't respect women, plenty of them in-fact and those who exploit their employees, but I haven't come across someone who has annoyed me so much in the 21 years that I have lived.

It pains to see how a man, happily married, to a women who he choose to marry, can try and get close to his female employee. It pains to see how he talks about the rapes around the city with concern and then explains you how you should behave in 'media field' where flirting is almost harmless. It pains to see how he tries to pep talk with his employees to know exactly how close she is to her family and friends. It pains to see how when one of the females in his office comes with a swollen face and he easily assumes that she has been beaten up by her boyfriend. The mentality just makes me sick.You then try to confront, thinking, he is a human being too, he would understand if explained the discomfort, you and others in the office are facing, but he would just stop doing that with you, as you seemed stronger and a women who would raise her voice, but there were other vulnerable women around, he can very well carry on and spice up his life with them.

He expects you to be in the office well on time, but refuses to pay your salaries on time, ask why, and he has an answer financial issue, I have a treatment going on, and my wife is sick. And right before she giving birth to a kid you announce that your wife is 9 months pregnant. I'm being terribly mean when I put this down here, but he was so ashamed to announce the good news about his wife is pregnant, probably because this child was being given birth just so that he could satisfy his desire of having a male child. Yes, my anger here is getting personal, because when someone requested him to do the salary on time one particular month, due to some financial issues, he couldn't control his rude words and said, "no financial issues are big as mine, you aren't married yet, I'm sure you can manage"

I wasn't going to put this down here, but guess what, he just doesn't stop irritating the vulnerable people, who have already resigned and are happy in their lives. He would still send them some egoistic messages, and ruin their day, probably because he is drunk or he is still not over the fact that all his employees resigned together, and when he relieved them all in an hour, no-body felt even a bit of a regret. Probably this simple fact, will make him a better person, or maybe some people are assholes for life.

I won't care if I have to sit at home all my life, without a job in my hand. What I care about is this should reach him, and deep inside he should feel that anger for being what he is. Mr. Asshole, English language is sure a necessity, but let us first learn to form one simple sentence in English correctly, and then blame others on how you are unable to expand your business because those poor talented souls cannot to talk in English. Hypocrite. 

The words didn't betray her. That dream did.

It came as a feeling of joy. She couldn't believe it as happening right inside her mind. She could feel each word she was reading, and connecting so easily with the simple things the book talked about. It was as she was in conversation with the book. It was like the book asked her if she wanted it, and gave her exactly what she asked for. The plot shaped up just like she was imagining it to be. As she read one word and guessed the other in less than a second, she was right about each word that followed. It felt like both the book and she had some telepathic power. She seldom read books, given the fact how lazy reader she was. But every time she did, she knew where was the book heading, she exactly knew what will happen next. Maybe she picked me predictable books, but it gave her happiness. It gave her the feeling of a competition that she won almost all the time.

She would say, “I’m in love with you”, and before she completed her sentence, the book would say, “oh! How much do you love me? Every book she picked up, could talk to her, would become her best friend, or even a lover and could read her thoughts. She felt like she was the one writing the book. It never betrayed her.

Not until, one day she picked up a book, just out of desperation, she was missing someone to share her thoughts with for a long time. She hadn't got enough time to read, or rather complete a book. She had left several books half read, because there was no joy in predicting them, she thought. That day she picked up this book, and promised to herself that she will finish it, no matter what. She started to read from it, and soon the book gave her the joy she was longing for. As she reached the climax, she realized she was tired, and decided to sleep. As soon as she entered her dreams, she couldn't help dreaming about the book. Dreams in a way are so uncontrolled. It’s like you are in a state of trance, and you are tripping and falling, but not being able to control yourself. She dreamt about this book, taking an unexpected turn. She tried controlling it, but she just couldn't, so helpless she felt about everything. Next morning, she woke up quite early, out of desperation of completing the book. She started exactly from where she had left, it betrayed her. It did not went like she expected it to go. It went like it was in her dreams. She felt betrayed. She gave up. She gave up after two chapters.

Today, her friend gifted her the same book. Her friend was quite excited, and wanted her to finish it quickly so that they could discuss it. All these years she hadn't read any book, as she felt betrayed. Today as she opened this book again, as promised to her friend, she couldn't believe she was reading the same book. The joy she felt was similar, but it kept going as she was predicting it in her thoughts. It ended just like she expected it to. She was surprised. She had found that friend again. She had found her love again. It was the same old lover she had missed all this years, and she realized how wrong she was about it.

The words didn't betray her. That dream did.

Educational Institutes and the building mindsets

We always talk about empowering youth. We talk about globalization. We talk about equality. We talk about our changing mindsets.

I have grown-up in a small town, where talking to a boy was a crime. People would talk ill about you, and even the most educated upper middle class women would gossip about how bad the 10-12 years old girls were when they used to talk to boys. Fortunately my parents were brought-up in a very urban family, and never really restricted me on interacting with boys. I always thought it’s just a small town thing, and people in Mumbai must be open-minded (Mumbai was a fascination back then for me). Well, my opinion changed in just a year after I shifted to Mumbai.

Now let’s get to the point. Recently I attended a college festival of a quite well-known college in Mumbai. One of my friends was performing there. I was in the audience when I saw that there was a barricade put in the middle on the sitting area, one side was for girls and the other for the boys, that was the first shock. There were NSS volunteers standing around the barricade. Now what these volunteers were told to do is, not to let any guy and girl talk to each other from above the barricade. That was another shock. There is already a barricade put, there are a lot of volunteers to make sure that people don’t jump over the barricade, there are also teachers standing around, keeping a look on all the audiences, then why are these volunteers asked not to allow girls and boys talk to each other? And look at the irony, there is dance & fashion show competition going on, with all kinds of romantic tracks, girls and guys dancing together, hand in hand. Backstage I see girls and guys sitting on each other, chatting having fun and here they are trying to prove that they are much disciplined?

Well, whatever was the reason, Educational Institutes should be concentrating on educating students, I never believed that colleges should inculcate moral teachings, it should in-fact talk about how prejudiced is the society and talk about equality between girls and boys. I don’t know how right I am but this, don’t talk to each other, stand apart, and watch your friends performing is just not right. It is a very sick attitude.

Mission Safe & Secure Nerul: Stay Alert, Stay Safe

That mindset of Policemen being useless and rude and disgusting and corrupt, changed, changed for some 20 people, right there, my eyes noticed it, and maybe before I stepped inside that one particular room, many people must have got out of that place with a positive feeling of safety and security in Nerul

Well, let me get to the point. Last Friday, that is ummm 10^th of January, a friend asked me to accompany her to Nerul Police Station, in the evening (you know it isn’t safe to go alone to a police station late evening for a girl, well just a fear, quite a irony). Anyway so I and the friend went to the police station for her passport verification. After sitting for like 10 minutes, one of the policemen made everyone present there, sit in the office of Senior Inspector of Police, in simple terms the senior in-charge of Nerul Police Station. Nicely arranged chairs, decent people, clean office and silence, and then enters Mr. Rajkumar Chaphekar, the Senior Police Inspector- A simple, smart, soft-spoken and funny man. He takes his seat and starts calling out names looking at the forms kept on the table, he just wants 2 simple questions to be answered- 1) Where do you stay in Nerul? And 2) since how long do you stay in Nerul? So one by one everyone he calls out for answers those questions. Very politely he asks everyone to give him some more time, as he would want to talk about a movement he has launched in Nerul for a while now. The movement is called, ‘Safe and Secure Nerul’.

Now the objective of writing the blog: This particular Movement, and the efforts that this policeman is taking, made me aware of the fact that ‘Staying Alert’ is the only funda to avoid mishaps. Fortunately most of the policemen I have come across turned out to be honest and dedicated to their work, but as the first line of this post goes, most of the people have a negative perception of police and a police station.  

What he spoke of the next 20 mins, wasn’t boring, did not make me sleepy, and did not force anyone to get up and walk out of the room. How with some common examples, funnily he explained that we humans are so irresponsible, that we just forget to use our common sense and put our life and our earnings at stake, forced people to listen to him, with attention.  The fact that most of the times, we ignore a crime, happening in front of our eyes, because we don’t want to get into any problems and waste our time, gives the criminals the  confidence to loot us, trouble us and dupe us is something that we all should understand, but we fail terribly.

All the tips and tricks that he shared with us, were so practical. No, you don’t have to go fight anyone when you see something happening, you just have to shout ‘chor chor’ and yes it is going to scare the chor. No you don’t have to stay indoors; you just have to take some efforts to stay alert, keep your cupboards locked, and keep the keys with you, not under the pillow or on the cupboard. Such really simple and common things that we avoid in our lives, telling ourselves, ‘chalta hai yaar’. We are lazy even to think smartly. We walk away quietly, when someone is trying to break a car’s window to steal some cash, walk on the roads, displaying the gold chains, ignoring to use the safety doors, putting letters for the doodhwala’s and paperwalas on the door, when going out of town, giving open invitation to the robbers, isn’t all this so dumb?

Well, this man, Mr. Rajkumar Chaphekar, talks to the people who come for passport verification to the police-station and tells them some simple things that we all know, but ignore. He goes to housing complexes, housing societies and take meetings, to make them aware and help the entire police force of Nerul to keep its citizens safe. You can invite him to your housing complex too; he will readily come, teach you in a way that it won’t ever leave your mind, and also make you laugh with his stories and the art of telling you the serious stories too wittily.

Join this movement, ‘Safe and Secure Nerul’, ‘Stay Alert, Stay Safe’!

A Language doesn't limit you, human nature limits you

Recently a really talented friend, asked me a question, 'Is English language necessary in every sector of Media?'. A Maharashtrian, enthusiastic, confident and talented girl is what I know her as. Since I have known her, she has always been trying to learn how to communicate in English, and she has improved. When she asked me this question, I was taken aback, she isn't someone who would be demotivated, who would ever think she is any less capable than her counterparts. The point here is the answer of the question she asked.

Well, unfortunately or fortunately, English is one of the necessities today. But if you cannot properly communicate in English does not mean, you cannot grow personally or professionally. Hindi, Marathi, Gujarati, Tamil, Bengali etc. define the essence of India, they mark the culture, the traditions of India. Media is for Masses, and thus Regional media is here to stay, is my opinion, but of-course, a lot of scholars argue that survival of Regional media is under threat, taking in account the globalization. 

Haven't we forgotten what is media, and why is media? Development, Globalization. Westernization, cannot change the basic motto of media. Media is to inform, to influence, to change, to empower the masses, and most of the India still depends on regional media. I have known people, educated, well-versed in English, and yet prefer reading a Marathi, Gujarati or Bengali newspaper. And in my opinion, the power of English, as a language cannot be as influential as a regional language! The ease that a regional language provides to express ourselves cannot be provided by a foreign language.

Now on a personal level. How many Indian clients, we meet today, know how to converse in English properly? Okay forget that, how many Indians will laugh at you when you talk to them in their mother tongue? Aren't there any successful, filthy rich, well-known Indians who still struggle with English while talking or writing? Yes English is a global language, and it is important to be able to communicate in English, but not being able to communicate, does not limit you, it becomes difficult to grow and survive at a point, but not impossible. Growth majorly depends on what you communicate and how you communicate, not on what language you communicate in. I find myself highly incompetent when I can't communicate properly in Marathi, in-spite of living in Maharashtra from past 21 years, I find myself highly incompetent when I cannot communicated in my own mother-tongue. I find myself highly incompetent when I cannot understand certain words in Hindi, in-spite of Hindi being the national language of India.

So, my dear friend, trust me, you are a talented female, and your efforts in trying to learn is commendable. Do not let anything demotivate you, because, a language doesn't limit you, human nature limits you. The people who think you won't grow if you don' know a language, limit themselves. Nothing can ever stop you, unless you want it to stop you.

Therefore, wander!

Since past several months, I have this sudden urge to travel, travel as much as I can, as much as I can manage. And surprisingly I have been coming across a lot of blogposts, articles, stories about travel. Recently I read an amazing article written by Dileep Padgaonkar, in a weekly news-magazine, and it just filled me up with more enthusiasm.

Lord Indra- well-known God in Rig-Veda, is known as the protector of travelers. In Aitareya Brahmana, he says to a young man named Rohita, "There is no happiness for him who does not travel, Rohita! Thus we have learnt. Living in the society of men, the best man becomes is a sinner. Therefore, Wander! The feet of the wanderer are like the flower, his soul is growing and reaping fruit, and all his sins are destroyed by his fatigue in wandering. Therefore, wander! He who is sitting, his fortune too sits, it rises when he rises, it sleeps when he sleeps, it moves when he moves. Therefore, wander!"

I couldn't agree more. Whats the point in staying at one place forever? It's like a frog in a well, you never really come out, and till you don't dare to come out, you don't know the possibilities of the world. I believe that you rot, when you stay at one place forever. Your brain starts rusting, and you become someone that people make you, not someone you can be. There are less risks, less adventure, and less discoveries. There is nothing that you don't know about your area, you almost know everything there, know most of the people, there isn't much challenge in making new friends, meeting new people. You have a life, but the constant updating of yourself is missing.

Wander, because your life is a gift, and you need to constantly upgrade the gift. You would want to learn to live their way, learn to eat their way, learn to talk their way, and even learn to live their way. Wander, because, your brain needs new food, your heart needs new friends, your body needs new air.Wander, because risks are adventurous, because your brain needs some exercise, because there is joy, because the happiness of 'discovering places yourself' is more than 'I know it all'. Wander, because you don't want to rust and rot, because moving means growing, because it is the best part of learning, because knowledge and experience are directly proportional, because you sin when you stay at one place forever, because traveling is satisfying, the feeling is orgasmic.

If you still don't agree, or do not relate with the feeling, I will quote Lord Indra once again here, because he puts the idea perfectly:  "There is no happiness for him who does not travel, Rohita! Thus we have learnt. Living in the society of men, the best man becomes is a sinner. Therefore, Wander! The feet of the wanderer are like the flower, his soul is growing and reaping fruit, and all his sins are destroyed by his fatigue in wandering. Therefore, wander! He who is sitting, his fortune too sits, it rises when he rises, it sleeps when he sleeps, it moves when he moves. Therefore, wander!"

She has conquered herself. Finally.

As she sat and gaze outside the window, in the midnight, she saw the city lit up with lights, she was hearing the beats of the music playing in the background, her mind was dancing on those beats, and she realized something has affected her so strongly, after a really long time. Something, she didn't know what, but it had completely changed her perspective about everything. Something had slowly stepped on all the negativity and crushed it in a way that she saw no trace of it to come to life again. Something, that she did not know if exists, had arrived, late, but so early that it felt this is the right time to live and dream, hope and walk on the perfectly right path.

She saw the world in front of her, lit up with lights, she could see life in each of those windows, and she wanted to go out there, after she was done enjoying in here, to explore in those lights. As the music changes its pace, as it changes its notes, as it changes its beats, the world she saw went upside down, and she felt the power inside her, to control her world. There was energy, she didn't know. It was creepy, but as soon as it touched her skin, she felt empowered.

The practical her had vanished, and here she stood, unable to believe herself, unable to come to terms with the happiness that exists inside her. She smiled and looked around, and every person she looked at made her feel happier, she saw the world lit up in front of her. She did not bother to understand what had affected her, because whatever it was, it was powerful, and she was confident that it will only bring positivity. She was standing at a point, where she could feel the stability that had arrived. She had left her past far behind, and she was walking ahead, with no trace of regret, just smiling to herself, relating her life to all the things around, making it into a surreal movie.

Her mind was her slave now, she had the remote-control of her emotions in her hand, and she exactly knew where her life was heading. She had conquered herself!