Cannot seem to find an escape

It began with occasional outbursts, nightmares and feeling of disappointment in myself
It began with the feeling of failure, self blame and extreme anxiety
You know how it feels to not feel yourself?
Like someone has created a rift between you and you
Like you are not you anymore
You don't laugh like before, you cry more often, your anger is insane and you feel scared for yourself
You wake up in the middle of the night, wet, in sweat, mouth open,throat dry
Dad says change your sleeping position, head in the south
Mom tells you to be strong, visit home you will feel better
Brother wants you to start taking those medicines your Psychiatrist friend prescribed
And your sister is in her own mess with teenage issues
There are days you are so positive and the next day you are so negative, so much so you are scared to feel positive coz it's often followed by the feeling of negative
Keep yourself busy, meditate, Yoga might help
But hey will someone tell me how do I get up from the bed?
I don't want to wake up, it's the easiest way to avoid the world, the pain
Easiest to avoid those stares when you walk in that lane
It's funny how you feel you are the most ugliest person around
And still you have a hope to again be found
You know that feeling of extreme helplessness , fatigue, sadness, anger, self pity..Yes that one time when you felt cornered and targeted, that's how I feel every single day.
I pretend to be fine, I pretend I am happy, coz every time I tell people I am not, I don't think they believe me
It's all drama, stop pretending you are depressed
It will pass, it's just a phase
Hey think positive, you will be fine
How about some yoga and exercise
Take those medicines, they will help
You don't want to help yourself
You are used to being mesirable
This happens to everyone
Look they are in much worse condition, stop complaining
Pretend you are happy and stop cribbing
I get anxious, I blame myself, maybe they all are right, maybe I am just stuck here, maybe I am pretending, maybe this is just attention seeking
But it all feels like a web. I can't seem to find an escape.