He/She does not care enough? Keep Calm & Love Yourself

You will let someone, who does not care enough to decide foryour life. What do you usually do when you wake up in the morning? Look for your phone? Hope that, the person you consider special must have messaged, to say sorry for something that happened last night, or a week back, or to tell you how much you mean to him, or that he dreamt about you? Till how long will you let someone else define your happiness?

You are in your 20s; you have at least 30, or say 35 more years to go. You know right, how long that is? Will you want to spend all your life behind that one person who does not care enough?

Don’t you miss being a child? As a child you got up in the morning, looking outside the window, staring at the sun, packing for an adventurous day at school, learning, playing, and talking all day. Coming back tired, looking forward to yummy food & may be your favourite cartoon. Don’t you miss that instant happy sleep, and waking up directly the next morning?

Who says you can’t cope up with this thing called, ‘quarter-life crisis’?  Wake up, stare at the sun, let your phone be there, beeping all the time. The messages can wait, but not your life.

Walk up to someone who has been there always, who cares, and is within the reach, right in front of you, pass a smile. No such person in your life? I’m sure you own a mirror at least.

Make yourself breakfast. Delicious- compliment yourself, pack some and share with the people at work. Super-bad, curse yourself and promise to do better the next time. Get on your feet and go to the work with the same innocence you walked to school each day.

I’m sure you don’t want to end up graying your hair so soon. Look there, a lot of people, expect a lot from you, work harder, and earn yourself some experience that counts. Don’t like your job? Quit. Risk is a part of life. Find a new one, or simply work on yourself, learning never stops. Start loving yourself.

Life is very short, and yes, you don’t want to waste it onsomeone who doesn’t care enough. Create your own identity.

Inequality also begins at home

Since past several months, something has been constantly disturbing me. I have tried to put it down here; I don’t know how you guys will perceive it. Views, opinions are welcome in the form of comments.

For instance, there are two siblings, one being a boy and the other being the girl. Both are in their 20s, both of them have a wish, maybe to buy something expensive, of course a middle class cannot afford to spend on both the things in the same month, and one of them will have to wait. What my questions is, often why is a girl made to wait? Why can’t a father or a mother ask the boy to adjust, and wait?

Another instance, both of them are earning, the girl wants to spend her salary on her wish, but she isn’t allowed to do so. Why? That money has to be saved for your marriage. It is a saving. Sounds sensible, agreed, but then when the boy earns, he goes straight to Dominoes, spends as much as he wants, comes back home, and says he wants to buy something from his salary this month. Parents will argue, try and explain him that he should not spend on something not essential, but in the end, give up, and let him do what he wants to.

At the same time I have seen a lot of families where the scenario is balanced or exactly opposite but most of the times, it is the same story mentioned above.  What I have narrated above is just an example, a lot of such incidences happen every day.

I’m lucky enough to have parents who since I was kid, always said, “marriage? Forget that, earn enough for yourself, learn to manage our expenses yourself, and then we will get your married to someone you want to get married to”. I have been staying away from home since 5 years now, but even today, when my mom has to take a decision regarding my brother, his life, his career, anything, I’m called for my opinion and views. My brother demanded that he should be allowed to ride my scooty. My Dad clearly stated, “Ruchika is coming next week, if she allows you to use it, you very well can”, and no my brother did not feel insulted, in fact he was confident enough that I will never say no to him. This does not mean, the boys in my family aren’t important. What is important is that, the sister is elder, and she has all the rights to decide for her brother just like his mother or father.

There is no high or low. There has to equality. There has to be logic. There has to be respect for every individual. If you treat your daughter second, and your son first, then expect the same behavior from your son for his wife and his daughter. The same behavior will be passed from generation to generation, and a woman will never come out of the social problems she has been facing since ages.

Don't walk away

It was just another day; they had not spoken properly for a week now. And in that one week, her life had gone upside down. She had taken such decisions of her life, for which he was responsible equally, but was not there for her.

Some two months back something had gone terribly wrong with her, and he was right there, besides her, helping her out of it. But all that was flushed down the drain now. What is the point now? He isn't there for her throughout, he left her midway. She had to face it alone, and he made it worse, because now she had to start from the beginning, learn to stand for herself, and stop hoping he would come for her.

Last one year was frustrating for both, yet she stood for him every time, and he wouldn't walk away forever. They both tried hard to make it work, but unfortunately he lost his patience and walked away, promising he would never return back, and warning her to stay away from him. And coincidently it happened when she needed him the most, she went through the trauma all alone, without putting him in trouble, or creating a fuss out of it.

He returned back, a week later, the same day she emerged victorious in moving out of him, and creating a whole new identity for herself in her own mind. He returned and it wasn't very long since he had left, so she fell for him, yet again.

It is just another day today; they haven’t spoken properly since three days now. He says he will, but he said that a day back too. He says he will call, but she has a meeting to attend. He says he will talk, but what about her work. Of course you don’t disturb someone when he/she is at work. And of course you don’t irritate someone, when he/she is having fun with friends. She understands, but what about her time.

It isn't that important that in a relationship you communicate daily. But when the need arises, you do need to communicate. And for a matter of fact, communication can never be one-sided. It has to be two-sided. Moody she understands, Space she understands, but ignorance for the one you have loved so dearly that you have kept giving her chances, she doesn't understand.

It’s time to move away, when the value decreases, priorities change, when standing on the road and talking to random someone becomes more important the person waiting to hear from you.

The world is a small place, someone somewhere someday would take it all away from you, you might never regret it, sit there and say, ‘what has to be yours, will be yours’ but remember, earning something, and treasuring it needs efforts.

Happiness is You

Love never dies. Hope is constant. Wish is unavoidable. Life isn't perfect. All that can be altered is you.

Most of our life seems messed up when we expect it to be altered, to be better, to be near to perfection, to be like the way we would like it. But happiness could never be defined, and if someone did define happiness, it is nothing but you.

All of this seems so irrational, when you apply it in your life. You still expect, you still want the other to make you smile; you still desperately want to be happy. Happiness is all everyone wants. But what gives one the desired happiness differs.

Sometimes you give-up relying on others for that smile, but you still expect people not to ruin that smile, or not to be the reason for your sorrow. So again you are relying on others for your own happiness.

Sometimes you just cling on to people, because sometime in life they were the reason for your happiness, they still are, or maybe not, but we tend to expect them to keep us happy. So again your happiness is in hands of someone else, who has defined happiness for himself in a different way then you.

Happiness is love for yourself, love for your own strengths, your weaknesses. It is the confidence, the patience, the kindness you possess, for yourself.

Loving yourself gives you the unconditional happiness and the strength to love the other.

Still I would say Happiness is over-rated. Isn't being sad also satisfying sometimes. How many times did you cry and cry and then slept like a baby? We will come to that some time later.  

On your Birthday: A Virtual Gift from me to you! XOXO

As much as my memory goes, It was July 2010, when I first met this really TINY (yes yes tiny), cute female who turned out to be one of my closest friends over the years. This Blogpost is dedicated to those 4 years (well, almost) of my life that I spent with she being incredibly huge part of. 

To Shreya,
My love (No, I am not a gay)

Lets start this here, I'm sure you will kill me for this picture, but I'm also sure you understand the importance of this really sad picture of us. I think this is when we actually started to talk so much, all about You, Me, and how very much LIBRANS we are! ummm...yes, yes, PROUD LIBRANS!!!

BWHAHAAHA, Yes you have turned out to be a sex-bomb over the years! *Wink Wink*

Not many would understand the relationship between us. We aren't the gooey mushy kind of friends, we don't have pyjama parties, we aren't insecure about sharing our friends, and we don't discuss lipsticks (I don't). We are unpredictably best friends whenever it is convenient for us, and rest of the times we prefer not to bother each other, still care. You know right? That I love you! 

I look like your mom here!!!! 

The pretty, tiny girl that you are, your smile is so contagious that there have been times in college when I used to simply keep looking at you, or get jealous of that curve on your face (sounds, creepy right? confessions confessions!) You have always been a lady, who is stunning and strong at the same time. 

ahem ahem!

For every time that we have said 'pakk raha hai yaar', for all the mood swings, for those one or two cold wars we have had, for all that libran talks, for every time we sat and cribbed about our lives, for every time we discussed how bloody giving we are, all said at once, 'you are someone I would never imagine to be freinds, for looking at you, I'm so much reminded of myself, and till today I have remained confused about if I like you or hate the similarities between us' (confused us forever you know)

This incredibly amazing picture! 

Those times when I wan't very fat, and you were a cute little ball (forgive me for the description) and today, when I'm a fatass and you are a sex bomb, I love it all, You would say 'pakka mat yaar, u r soooo pretty', yaaa maybe, but still please don't you deny the fact that I'm FAT now! but I love myself because you know we are Librans, we can't hate us (umm...we can actually)

Not just Jazz by the bay (show-off)

We can ever get tired of complaining, We can fake the smile perfectly, hold on to the straight face, ignore when we want, get attached and detached pretty easily (provided the person opposite doesn't hold any grudge), love unconditionally, crib about life, yet be so lively. Dance and cry uncontrollably , love and hate ourselves at the same time. We are the perfect example of lil drama and lots and lots of pin straight life (PIN STRAIGHT). We are so cool and also so sad at the same fucking time!

With love and all the weirdness!

Yes, I will always be right here, waiting to hear to your complains, here to make you feel good about yourself, here to make you smile when low, here to make imaginary plans and enjoy the temporary excitement!!!!! And I'm here to get admitted with you on the bed next to you when we both suffer from Anxiety-induced blood clot!!!

And yesh, you will always be that tiny, pretty, completely mad friend, And we will always keep hogging on all the sweets in the world (more of Gulab Jamuns) and so much fish!!!! I love you as much as you love Gulab Jamun & Dance combined together!!!

Love,
Your Twin Libran!
XOXO

Now give me this!!!!!

The Aarushi-Hemraj Murder Case - A view

Came across a detailed investigation in Tehelka yesterday morning, Have read it thrice already since yesterday. I don’t know how true it is, but as long as Tehelka’s reputation goes, they won’t print anything so serious, with so much confidence in their words. Till last year even I believed the media reports that said ‘The Double murder’ was a honor killing,  but recently, few months back, after reading a lot of reports on honor killings and the rapes around the city, it is a little difficult to believe the honor killing motive linked with the double murder.

As the Tehelka report goes, there are absolutely 0 evidences against the Talwars, and substantially evidence against the aides. I somehow come to believe this, even if I sound biased or irrational, I don’t see the point of killing their only daughter because she was on the bed with their house helper. Firstly, as many such cases I have heard about, the abuse/bad behavior/torture from the side of the family in such cases happens over a period of time before the actual action (killing), but here as per the reports, the Talwar family looked a happy family, with none of Aarushi’s family, friends or even her school’s staff complained of she being depressed or any negative change in the behavior. I don’t believe the fact that a father will get up, pick up a golf club, enter his daughter’s room, just because he heard some noise, and not even think once before hitting her on the head. And even if it did happen, is this one of the evidence the CBI is fighting the case on?

Secondly, After suffering mentally, physically, financially for almost 2-3 years after their daughter’s death, being blamed as the murderers of their only daughter, being almost convicted, no person will want the case to reopen, simply, because if they were really the murderers they would have dreaded conviction, and would have relieved after the CBI closed the case, declared no evidence against Talwars. If the Parents hated their daughter so much, that they killed her, wouldn’t they just get back to their normal lives after the case being declared closed.

Thirdly, the report mentions that the sequence of the crime could possibly be this (confessed by the aides in the narco and other tests) The aides gathered in Hemraj’s room, consumed alcohol, discussed Aarushi, entered Aarushi’s room, and probably tried getting close to her, and her refusal made them hit her. Well, isn’t this believable? Haven’t we heard about all the gang rapes happening around? The fact that they had consumed alcohol only makes a little more believable.

I don’t know if the report is completely true, but read it once, and you will be left with so many questions, and absolutely no trust in the Indian Judicial system, The police and The CBI.

Read here:  http://www.tehelka.com/framed-the-aarushi-hemraj-murder-case-an-investigation/

Divine Possession

She entered the temple, with a lot of difficulties, and as soon as she stepped in, something rushed into her body, within seconds she lost herself, there was something else in her body, a different soul, it felt like she was possessed.

Never before had she felt this way. Her day used to start with completing the chores at her house, and then walking to the town, to help other women with their chores. she was a helper, or rather we can call her a maid. She was 19 years old, and cleaned the house, washed the clothes and the utensils for nine different families. She had studied till 5th standard, was a smart girl, but due poverty couldn't study further, and to forget she was a girl, so she had to learn to compromise and work hard, both at the same time.

That particular day, like every other day, she walked to the town after completing the daily chores at her own house with her mother. suddenly she started feeling uneasy, it was the ninth day, 'Navami', the last day of Navaratri, the next day will be Dusshera, the victory of good over evil. As soon as the mother of the house opened the door, she fell on her feet, and pleaded to be taken to the temple, some temple, she did not know which temple, but she felt the urge to go to the temple. Out of humanity, and knowing the girl for more than 5 years now, they took her to the temple.

She entered the temple, and it rushed into her. Yes, she was possessed. Possessed with the divine power. I was right there witnessing it. I had always heard about this phenomenon, but like most of the researchers and psychologists say, it is a disorder, I thought the same, I always thought to myself, it was a drama. But here it was right in front of me. She was possessed. My mother, was happy, 'This is lucky' she said. 'We got the darshan of devi, in person'. I wasn't listening to her. I kept looking at that young girl. The pain in her eyes. The anger in her actions. She looked true, she wasn't acting, that wasn't drama. She was dancing, crying, yelling, rolling on the floor. She was in so much pain, she wanted to say something, she wanted something, women around kept asking her, but she kept crying, kept yelling, I could not stop myself and went and held her. It was scary, it was a very small temple, with so many things lying around.

I looked into her eyes, so much remorse, so much pain, and suddenly someone walked, did something, I don't know what, I kept looking into her eyes, and she was back, back in her self. She wasn't anymore a Goddess, She was the same girl, who will have to get back to her life the next day.

She was possessed, and that wasn't a drama, it was for real. I don't know what possessed her, but something did. I tried talking to her later, but she wouldn't speak, she sat in a corner of the temple, lost in her thoughts. The same girl was getting all the attention just minutes back, and now she sat in a corner, alone, no-one to even offer her a glass of water.

You make a plan, are super-excited about it, and somehow it is all ruined.

This was the third event they had missed together. She made the plan 2 days back. ‘Listen, we need to do 2 things this month, one attend xyz exhibition and two go and celebrate Oktober Fest somewhere’, she had told him 2-3 days back on whatsapp.

His reply was clear, ‘Jayengey’, he said. The exhibition was ending soon, last two days, and she thought to her, weekend, weekend is the best time to go there. She will be free, mentally also. But somehow before she could say anything, he had some urgent work to be completed. They missed it yet again.

She wanted to attend it, because the exhibition was about something they both would love to attend. Very rarely their likes matched. And this was something both of them were passionate about. This had happened the third time.

She was upset, wanted to meet him, but he was busy with his work. She planned to meet her girl friends instead, but considering the work hours they could meet only late in the evening. Informing him was important, but as always, that made him upset. ‘jaaaa’ he replied to her.

Next day she had plans to meet her girly gang. It becomes really difficult to keep in touch once you start working. And then there comes a time when you really want to meet those college friends and talk about everything you can. She was happy and determined to meet them, click pictures, bitch, and feel content.  He was upset once again. He rarely said it directly, he normally changed his tone, or just suddenly would get caught up in some work and tell her that he will talk later.

She had plans next day too. She mentioned that too. He was already upset or maybe it was just in her head. He rarely said it directly. ‘Leave me alone when I’m upset, I will be fine later’, he always said. But that moment would all ruin it, she would keep thinking about him, even around her friends. ‘That is the problem, you think a lot, did I ask to think’, he would say then. But she cared, cared about his happiness, his approval mattered to her.  ‘So why do you plan something you know will make me upset’, he said. What about her happiness? Who will think about that?

What have you done, it has left her so numb

What have you done, she is so numb,

she loved you so; you never really know

She wanted to roam around, talk her shit out,

But you never came back, the faith you lacked

What have you done, it has left her so numb

She sits and thinks sometimes, about all the good times,

but all the bad is done, and it has left her so numb

Yes you have your own life, and she was a part,

she made you her life, and it made her so numb

Every little bad thing you said, made her depressed

Every good thing you said, got a smile on her face

Every kiss that you made, gave her so much faith

Every mistake that she made, put you away from the faith

She knows there is no future to this, but somehow there is so much hope to it.

Like a fool she sits and dream the good things

Her life is like a boat stuck somewhere

She knows the direction, but can’t make it there

Numb she is with no one there

she will figure it out, but don't know when....

She has lost it all, that could make her rest

She has found, nothing, that will make her the best

One seed that she nurtured with the care,

couldn't grow and none ever cared....

Life’s like that everyone said

But when asked why, no one cared

You will be fine, they said

But when asked how, they left her there