I often look at them and think, is this love or sympathy?

I often look at them and think, is this love or sympathy? You know that feeling of being caught up in your own thoughts, and never being able to find the answers. Love – vague but beautiful, sympathy- again vague but essential.  Sympathy because you love them or you love them because you feel sympathetic.  I have always been caught up with this. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. People hate sympathy but it isn't a bad thing, or is it?

Oh look, he needs love, so I’m giving him that warmth or Oh look he is adorable, and I love him.

Oh look, she does not have a supportive family, so I will give her as much support as I can, or oh look she can do wonders, why not support her as much as I can.

Conflicting mind, kind soul is a weird combination. You never know if it’s the mind that makes you feel for someone or the soul. Those lovely little sparkling eyes make you do things or that kind little heart inside you is enough to pick up the brush and paint the future. I have wondered all my life, trying to figure out if its just me, myself or is it influenced by an external condition, force or whatever.

Is sympathy really bad, or is this another mindset society has created for man? Is humanity a condition or is it a natural everyday life process, I wonder. She kisses my palms, looking at my mehendi. She saves some candy just so that she can share it with me. He draws a new animal everyday to get those little stars from me. He smiles a million times, because I like smiling faces.  I look at him and wonder what will he grow up to be. I look at her and think what will be her next question.

They all leave home and come to me for 5 hours, because they love me, being around, or because school is compulsory. They come because they want to get out of those tiny houses, or because they really love me?

I wonder. I wonder each day. Is it sympathy that keeps me going or is it empathy?

I will..Teach for India

She was lost, confused, frustrated, irritated, everything negative that can possibly effect an individual was effecting her. She had spent 3 precious years and graduated, making everyone around her happy. But here she was, she had completed 9 months of her work and there was nothing she had learnt, nothing that had made her happy. She would eat blankly, meet friends and yap about work, and sleep praying somehow she finds a valid reason not to go to office the next day. This frustration would only result in more frustration and nothing else. Happens with most of us, right? So many people end up doing something they would never want to do, all their life.

She always wanted to teach. In-fact her long term plan was taking up part time teaching after earning substantially experience. Suddenly one of her friends, who knew about her love for teaching, asked her to apply for Teach for India fellowship, one day before the deadline. She didn’t think twice and here she is, writing this down, as she is still digesting the fact that she cracked the long process of the selection.

My mom is a teacher. I have heard her complain about Indian Education System. I had a client, who is a Developmental Pediatrician, Dr. Anjana Thadhani, who also owns an NGO, and is a child rights activist too. Several times, in meetings, I have heard her talk about RTE and how it has not done any good to the education system. I somehow connect with the TFI vision and mission, and I think everyone will, once they know the condition and understand the value of education. But thinking, talking, discussing, understanding, and complaining are definitely not the ways we can do anything and I decided to take up this fellowship.

My parents are really cool. They never forced me to take up engineering or get married at the age of 21. They trusted me, and kept me away from home since I was as young as 15. Keeping your daughter away from home for 6 long years isn't’t easy. They did not question me about TFI, until I sat with them to sign my commitment letter. All that they asked me was a simple question, “Are you sure?” They did not repeat the question after my firm “Yes”. But somehow I sense they are not as happy, as overwhelmed, as excited as I am. Maybe with time, they will accept it wholeheartedly.

My question is quite simple. We talk about positivity. Everyone talks about positivity. When we do something good for the people who deserve it, when we give them happiness with whatever we can, shouldn’t we expect that the outcome will be fabulous? Shouldn't we think that we will only reflect positivity? Service to man is service to God, they say, so why do we worry when we give up on good jobs, good opportunities (good here means money and experience) and invest our 2 years in doing something good to others? God is there, right? We believe in the power that we haven’t seen, but we do not believe in ourselves, our power to change something, very little in the society we crib about day in and day out. Musicians, Artists, Actors, each one of them entertain you, make you laugh, cry, feel, right? When you come home frustrated after work, that music makes me calm down, doesn't it? Then why are all these careers not encouraged as much as other careers are.

People will come, ask me and my family 100 questions, what? Why? But she studied advertising no? I’m sure she must have not got a good job. Should it matter to me? I will be walking in the classroom each morning, smiling, enthusiastic, in the expectation that we (me and my students) will learn together the lessons of life. I will sleep in the nights planning how my next day will be. I will happily plan sometime out with family and friends, probably counselling them about their jobs and discussing how to bring change. I’m happy, because there is no leadership like being a teacher, and there no noble profession than being a provider of knowledge and learning.