'I feel' because you might not feel the same

I don't understand why are things in my school not organised. Why are there not enough people to take up responsibilities given to the amount of unemployment in India. I don't understand why there isn't a proper communication mechanism in place considering that there are 4 different mediums working in the same building in 2 different slots. No I don't suffer from any OCDs. In fact I believe OCDs are over-rated.They shouldn't exist unless you are clinically diagnosed with that. Still they shouldn't exist. Okay. Point. To ask for perfection is not too much. To ask for an organised organisation isn't being sick. Its normal. Very normal. Okay, we teachers will sit for 2 hours extra every Saturday and clean our school but where is the discipline (that we claim to teach our kids and say it is essential for being given a place in the society in the category of good people) in just running the school without any chaos and disorder (I mention both chaos and disorder because I feel both when mentioned alone are lesser evil than what we teachers face in our day to day lives).

My left hand was almost about to get fractured (doctor said) because of this very chaos. I won't mention the incident as that will just ruin my beautiful writing. So you give in the rare people you have to mould your future for saving on hiring more people into an organisation or maybe I should say institution so very important. At first I felt infuriated when a parent said, 'aapko paagar milti hai kaam karneki' I literally wanted to stab her with a pencil that my 7 year olds use to write what I teach. But then I realised she is in the same boat as me (and she can push me in the sea). How can u expect a normal human being to stay calm in a overly disorganised organisation that is very important for the future generation. Anyway I also feel that I can whine better when Im high on a good book (maybe because it just got over, and I'm back to my usual life).

But again 'I feel' because you might not feel the same.

When I look around, I see so much happiness

‘When I look around, I see so much pain’, she thought to herself. Her purpose before taking the big decision of applying to Teach For India was to do something for the humanity.

And now: ‘When I look around, I see so much happiness’, she thought to herself. Her purpose is a little clearer now. She is here to do something for the humanity. That something is giving some comfort, some happiness, some love.

No, those kids with broken homes, with small desires, being beaten up every day, walking to school alone, they do not need sympathy, they do not need your money, your gifts, they need safe environment, they need fun, they need happiness, they need love. Give them just a hug and they will hug you every day. Share your tiffin with them, and see the pride in their eyes. Give them small little star stickers, and they will treasure it for life.

No, my work is not difficult. I love kids, I love humanity, I love simplicity. And no, I wasn't born with all this, I came to be this over time. When that one kid in your class, who would sit quite, wouldn't share, eat her tiffin alone, comes to you one fine day with a packet of star shaped candies and says “Didi this is for you, no-one gives you stars no”, you can’t help but love your work. When that one kid honestly raises his hands, when you ask the class, who does not like didi, you know they feel safe in your class.

In past 3 months, more than anyone, I have come to discover myself. I have come to being happy, patient, loving and kind. All the philosophical stuff suddenly makes sense to me now. How much we complain, how much we cry, how irritated we really are, give it a thought.

No, I am not doing any social work. I’m getting paid for it. I love teaching, this is an amazing experience and this is leadership program, which helps me become a leader. But now all this is secondary. I love my work, I love my kids, and I’m here to make a difference. Difference in the life of others and myself.