Abusing the innocence

She was as young as a 6^th grader. Had recently started to hit puberty and was experiencing the anxieties she couldn't understand. She felt like she was losing herself to the constant don’t do this, don’t do that of the society. She was confused, happy, anxious, sad, angry everything at the same time. She felt dirty, clean, pretty, ugly everything together. She was not an adult neither a kid any more, and this often put her in the state of trance.

Summer vacations are always the time to have fun, enjoy, visit new places and meet relatives. Like every year, this time she will be meeting her uncles and aunts, and she was very excited about it. She was going to meet her mom’s uncle and aunt and their family this year. She was meeting them for the first time. She had packed a day before and was super excited to leave the following morning. She had heard great stories about her uncle and aunt, they had spent a great amount of time in a foreign country, and recently their son had returned from abroad, Mom had told her he had brought lots of chocolates for her. She had never expected that this visit will be so memorable that the scenes from the two days she spent there, will haunt her all her life.

They had reached the house and hour back. She was introduced to everyone there and was very happy with all the chocolates, games, gifts and so much delicacies that was offered to her. Soon, she got bored of the constant yapping of her mom and aunt. Noticing her boredom, her aunt asked her to go inside and play on the computer for a while. You can’t imagine the happiness on her face when her aunt mentioned COMPUTER. Those were the days when everyone did not own a computer, and those who owned one were not allowed to sit and play on them most of the times, as computers those days were only for work. She jumped from her seat and went inside. While trying to figure out how to switch on the computer, her uncle came to her rescue. A man in his 50s, sat beside her while she was busy playing a game. Slowly made her sit in his lap, put his hands around her waist, and in no time his hands were inside her t-shirt, caressing her tiny growing breasts. She sat there in disgust, in confusion, in pain for 15 long minutes, after which she just got up and went to her mother, sat there in silence till dinner was served. The man continued to sit beside her whenever he got a chance the entire evening, picking up magazines are showing her images of scantily clad women, describing them to be sexy. She was scared, could not move, could not utter a word, just wanted to run away from that house and never return back.

That night she had a hard time sleeping. And as she got some sleep, it was morning already. And to add to the horror and pain, as soon as she opened her eyes she could feel that man’s hands inside her night-dress. She could hear his voice, saying, “Beta, sleep, this will give you a nice sleep”. She got up pushing him behind and went to her mother, asking her to leave from that place at once. She kept throwing tantrums until her mom finally decided to leave. The entire time her mom kept dismissing her tantrums by saying, “She is very close to her father, can’t stay away from him even for a night you see”.

That incident still haunts her. She has kept quiet about it for years together. That uncle is avoided in most of the family functions, by most of her female cousins, probably because she was not the only victim. 

I will..Teach for India

She was lost, confused, frustrated, irritated, everything negative that can possibly effect an individual was effecting her. She had spent 3 precious years and graduated, making everyone around her happy. But here she was, she had completed 9 months of her work and there was nothing she had learnt, nothing that had made her happy. She would eat blankly, meet friends and yap about work, and sleep praying somehow she finds a valid reason not to go to office the next day. This frustration would only result in more frustration and nothing else. Happens with most of us, right? So many people end up doing something they would never want to do, all their life.

She always wanted to teach. In-fact her long term plan was taking up part time teaching after earning substantially experience. Suddenly one of her friends, who knew about her love for teaching, asked her to apply for Teach for India fellowship, one day before the deadline. She didn’t think twice and here she is, writing this down, as she is still digesting the fact that she cracked the long process of the selection.

My mom is a teacher. I have heard her complain about Indian Education System. I had a client, who is a Developmental Pediatrician, Dr. Anjana Thadhani, who also owns an NGO, and is a child rights activist too. Several times, in meetings, I have heard her talk about RTE and how it has not done any good to the education system. I somehow connect with the TFI vision and mission, and I think everyone will, once they know the condition and understand the value of education. But thinking, talking, discussing, understanding, and complaining are definitely not the ways we can do anything and I decided to take up this fellowship.

My parents are really cool. They never forced me to take up engineering or get married at the age of 21. They trusted me, and kept me away from home since I was as young as 15. Keeping your daughter away from home for 6 long years isn't’t easy. They did not question me about TFI, until I sat with them to sign my commitment letter. All that they asked me was a simple question, “Are you sure?” They did not repeat the question after my firm “Yes”. But somehow I sense they are not as happy, as overwhelmed, as excited as I am. Maybe with time, they will accept it wholeheartedly.

My question is quite simple. We talk about positivity. Everyone talks about positivity. When we do something good for the people who deserve it, when we give them happiness with whatever we can, shouldn’t we expect that the outcome will be fabulous? Shouldn't we think that we will only reflect positivity? Service to man is service to God, they say, so why do we worry when we give up on good jobs, good opportunities (good here means money and experience) and invest our 2 years in doing something good to others? God is there, right? We believe in the power that we haven’t seen, but we do not believe in ourselves, our power to change something, very little in the society we crib about day in and day out. Musicians, Artists, Actors, each one of them entertain you, make you laugh, cry, feel, right? When you come home frustrated after work, that music makes me calm down, doesn't it? Then why are all these careers not encouraged as much as other careers are.

People will come, ask me and my family 100 questions, what? Why? But she studied advertising no? I’m sure she must have not got a good job. Should it matter to me? I will be walking in the classroom each morning, smiling, enthusiastic, in the expectation that we (me and my students) will learn together the lessons of life. I will sleep in the nights planning how my next day will be. I will happily plan sometime out with family and friends, probably counselling them about their jobs and discussing how to bring change. I’m happy, because there is no leadership like being a teacher, and there no noble profession than being a provider of knowledge and learning.

Go on, O traveler!

How does it feel to be different? Having a different set of ideas, and standing by those ideas always? How does it feel to be considered as an outcast? Because you don’t know what you want to become in life?

He woke up asking such questions to himself each day. He likes to spend hours in his bathroom, with the tap on, listening to the drops hitting the water in the bucket. He is lost in his own thoughts most of the times, and fears that his thoughts will kill him someday. He loves being around people and discussing, but he finds peace in being alone in the company of some music or his thoughts alone. He wants to give up on everything and hit the road, with or without music, because what he believes is that world is music. There is constantly music around us, we fail to acknowledge it, probably because man has stopped imagining all the beautiful things, and has lost the ability to perceive things as they are, without judging them.

He says, Go on, O traveler. Life is a car and time its wheels. He wants to drive his car, but people often pull and push, hit and run, turn it around and kick it hard. No, that does not affect him, he is still on the driver’s seat. He loves colors, but somehow black and white appeals to him more than anything else. He wants to go back in time, and experience the nature at its best. Maybe be a nomad for a while. He believes that thoughts, thoughts alone are the best friend of man. There is high that the air gives us. He does not blame the world. He feels sad for the people, because most of them are in a bad trip and they don’t know how to enjoy that bad trip.

He has learned the art of enjoying the bad trip and converting it into a good one when he feels like. He hasn't perfected it, but his thoughts often give him confidence and hope. He likes being around his thoughts, he talks to his thoughts, argues, discuss and they together come up with a conclusion. He is just like everyone, with a different set of ideas and thoughts, and that makes him what he is. He falls in love, eats, dances, talks, meets people but everything with a different perspective in his mind. It’s his soul that talks, he chooses not to use his brains when it is not needed. He loves himself, and so he loves his life, he loves everything that God has created, because he believes everything is out there because it was meant to be there.

And that’s why, when he looks around, he says, ‘Go on. O traveler’.