The memories came whirling around like a cyclone

All the memories whirling around like a cyclone. She yells on the top of her voice, but she is not able to hear her own voice. She puts her hands on her ears, and wants the screeching to stop, but it just does not. She goes blank the other moment, with everything around coming to a standstill. She murmurs something to herself, but her voice refuses to be heard. She bangs her head to the wall, and suddenly the memories come flooding in: He holding her hand, and whispering into her ears, “I will never leave you”. Tears roll down her eyes, but the smile does not leave her lips. She is happy because he had promised to stay true to her; he did not leave her side, even when everything had lost its meaning.

Everything was repeating, when she least wanted it to repeat. He was back, standing right front of her in disguise. She started getting carried away in the sea of love, she had no clue it would hit her so hard one day. There was so much similarity to everything, so much so that she hated it, but she had offered the remote control of her emotions to someone already. She was being controlled and she had no clue what was happening to her. Emotions were rushing down her veins, and she could feel them shiver. She wanted to break free and hug herself, for she was the only one she trusted the most, yet she could feel love and hate contradicting each other every moment.

Something came crashing down outside the window, and she woke from her dream. She put her hands on her heart, and felt her heart beating really fast, was it just a dream? Empty house, fan making some noise, she stepped down on the floor, it was cold, her body refused to move. She wanted some warmth, a warm hug could do wonders, but she was scared, one warm hug could owe her entire life. And then the knock on the door, memories wouldn’t let her alone.

Love - in every small way is meaningful

Love – I have always tried to understand this really complex and simple feeling that exists in the world. No-one could define it, the definition changes with each kind of a individual involved in the feeling, and then society comes with the most common of the definition, and start believing it, following it, falling in the feeling that has been defined by thousands of people who have lost love, cried and fought and never really sustain love.

I think Love is the most complex feeling a human being possesses. Love is essential but at the same time you want to run away, because you say, you don’t understand it, or maybe because you, like many others believe that when you love someone beyond limits, you tend to lose that person. Well, we forget the fact that, we love ourselves more than others, and 2 people who love themselves, try to control the other and lose it. Well, thats how it is, unless you possess immense respect for the other and agree to let them own you, or maybe give in to their love, which hardly happens, because your ego and the care do a weird summersault in your head.

We, Humans have defined love according to our own convenience. Today, ask anyone, everyone has a different understanding of the feeling love, but if you observe, everyone follows the same love, which is defined by the society. Very rarely you find people, who would want to break the barriers and love in a way that will be flawless and never-ending. I always tend to ask myself, why can’t you love two people at once? You won’t necessarily have sex with both, or plan to get married to the both, but still you would love both the people equally, and want to spend equal amount of time with both. But no, society limits love. You can love just one, and stay true to him/her, you cannot cheat on that person, but no, I'm not talking about cheating, it is just love for both, and it isn't shared, because love does not have limits, you can love everyone around you, with the same sincerity, with the same passion.

Well, but we tend to mix the beautiful feeling of love with mundane feeling of possessiveness, jealousy and blind faith and then lose it forever, because once you fall prey to these feelings, they don’t leave you, they stick to you forever.

Love cannot be defined, because it is not something you don't need to understand, it is something you want to feel. Everything in the world does not have meaning. That, what you feel, with absolutely calm mind, with no judgements, is what is meaningful. And love in every small way is meaningful.

You ignore, and it will grow louder

Last week, a friend, 19 year old, dared to enter the police station to complain about a boy teasing her in the college. Few months back, she dared to fight those monsters, escape rape, and walk to the police station with her story.

‘Xyz percentage of rapes, harassment, torture on women go un-reported’, I see this changing. She is not going to sit quite now, she will shout, shout on the top of her voice, to get justice, to get freedom, to walk with dignity, head held high. I’m smiling, when I type each word, because I know she is happy, she is confident, and she has the sword in her hand, ready to charge on anyone who points fingers at her.

I walk down the road, I see men staring, I see them murmuring, but I walk, head held high, because I know, no-one except myself, can scare me, the sword is in my hands. No-one but you have the grip, you are the only one who has the control, and no-one can touch you, because you have the sword, that you had kept aside all these years, and now you have picked that up. Walk, walk with our head held high, ignore the monsters, they are cowards, they won’t dare come around you, because you hold the sword in your hand, they are scared of you.

Society? I make the society. I nurture the society. I am the power. Society is just a concept, I define the concept. She defines the concept. No, the society will not change, its I who has to change, who has to constantly hold the sword, and be ready to charge it on those monsters. She only makes the grip firmer, because she won’t back down now, she will only wait, with attention, and charge as soon as those monsters come towards her.

From those discriminations, to the assaults, from that harassment to that torture everything will come to an end, soon. You ignore, and it will grow louder. She won’t shut up now, she will shout, she will charge, she will win, because she is I, and I am she.

Facts, not beliefs should be the basis of any investigation

Since last several days I have been keeping the track of all the videos, articles, reports, trolls about Tarun Tejpal molesting a female colleague. I have also been keeping track about the most sensationalized Aarushi Talwar murder case, and in both of the cases, the ideas exchanged, the discussions of the possible situations, outcomes, the statements made, and the real or the made-up stories surrounding them has amazed me.

Look at, how judgemental we human beings are. We do not care about any proofs and evidences; all we concentrate on is our beliefs. There is an immense difference between facts and beliefs, and we fail to understand that difference again and again.

In his statement, I read on Firstpost, Tarun Tejpal alleged that the incident was 'only light-hearted bantering which led to a moment of privacy’ and the victim, post the incident, was out late into the night attending parties and social gatherings.' No matter what the real story is, who is right and who is wrong, the statement is so contradictory. The man, accepts the fact that it was a ‘light-hearted bantering’, which as the tone suggests is very normal for the educated and open people should be and yet what follows is ‘she was late out into the night attending parties and social gatherings’, so what? Someone is disturbed, is out in a professional event, does not have the time to sit and think what someone she respects has done to her, what is the harm in going and partying?

Why we are so entangles in our beliefs, in the rules we have made for ourselves. Why is being disturbed and sad attached to sitting alone, or getting angry or creating a scene? Why can’t someone who is molested, have no expression of insult, scare or anger on her face?

Every girl gets molested at least once in her life, in the hands of someone she knows, how many cases like that have been reported? I was 14 when I was molested by a family member, he caressed by breasts, which had just started to grow. I got up from there and kept and sat besides my mom, and wouldn't leave her hand till we are out of that place. I was still smiling, playing and talking normally to my mom and everyone around; include that person who tried molesting me. I expressed my discomfort only after years, when my family planned to go to their place again, and the plan was cancelled after hearing what the man of the family had done to me.

Before you make statements, or thrust the rules you have made in your own mind on others, come to terms with the reality, with the fact that a women is not always weak, that a women can show no emotions and yet fight for her rights. Every person is different and has his/her own way of dealing with things, and in the eyes of law, facts and only facts are valid, not any belief of self-made conclusions.

Proud of them!

From my childhood I have always felt a strong urge to help others, not necessarily the people in need or the people I know. What I believe is if you know someone can be benefitted with your gesture, you should go ahead and lend a helping hand to them.

Well, that’s not at all the point of what follows ahead. Last Sunday, I visited an Orphanage called, ‘The little Angels Orphanage’ at Madh. One of my friends at Buzzinga Digital was working on a Children’s Day campaign for Berger Paints. They had invited volunteers to come and paint the walls of the orphanage.

Waking up early, on a slightly cold Sunday morning sounds so uncool, but trust me at the end of the day it was all worth, coming back home tired and sleepy only to hop on the bed for the office the next day. People have that sympathetic ‘awwwww’ every time they hear about an orphanage, but those children don’t need the sympathy, they need the love and the respect. They are more self-respecting, aware, enthusiastic & adorable than many of those kids living a comfortable life.  

I offered a little girl, around 5 years old some chakli, she was quick to ask, “kisne diyaa?” She wouldn’t accept it, till I made her believe it wasn’t going to harmful. This is the level of awareness; they won’t just grab it because it is something they don’t get often.

Looking at them, I did not feel any remorse, I felt ashamed. Ashamed of complaining almost all my life of how messed-up everything was, because I cried when someone I love refused to look back, because I cribbed about how dirty and stinky some places were, because I did not respect the very fact that I was living, I had a life, I had someone to look after me, pamper me, shop for me, give me tasty food. These children, in hardly a day, taught me how to love life, how to be happy, how to laugh for the smallest of good things that were happening around.

Every time we walked out of the orphanage for a cup of tea, or a stroll outside, these kids would ask, “aap jaa rahe ho?” and we would reply no we are coming back in a while. As we came back, they would say with a twinkle in their eyes, “aap wapas aaye”. They are so used to people coming and never returning back, that it does not affect them anymore, or it does but they manage to not let it alter their life and happiness. Those little angels were successful in making me believe that life itself in a gift and don’t waste it cribbing and crying.

 

No I don’t feel bad for those, I feel proud of them. I wonder how do people manage adopting one kid out of so many adorable kids.

The colors you fill up in the lives of the one who deserve has no limits

What is making me write this is this amazing campaign that I'm really looking forward to.

Some years back I used to go to this small village called 'Sarsole' in 'Nerul' to teach underprivileged kids. More than I could never teach them, I have learnt from them. They are the examples of super-enthusiastic kids, with no complains that would make you upset or angry at them. A girl, probably 13, came to me once and said, ‘Teacher, I love dancing, but my parents don’t let me dance at home, so I love coming here daily, I get to dance after every class’ When I see us as children, or even my younger cousins, siblings, I see, they study on the condition that they will be offered something like a smart phone, a laptop, a chocolate, clothes or something after their results are out, but for these kids a simple thing like getting to dance after the class is what drives  them to study.

They want to learn, they try, and they are honest to themselves. One boy came to me and said, “I don’t like studying, I just want to learn to speak English”. They are responsible, don’t throw tantrums, and if they do that does not irritate you.

I remember I used to teach them in an open ground, many times there used to not be proper place to sit, but not a single day went when they did not find a chair for me to sit. They wouldn't let me sit on the ground. This respect and love made me go and teach them each day, and when I couldn't it made me sad, really sad. Meeting them made me so happy; I used to forget all my worries and would become a kid with them.

2 years have passed since then, and I still miss each one of them. This Sunday I'm skipping a family get-together to attend this event where we will be painting the walls of a orphanage.

Whoever can, do come for this event on Sunday. Believe me, you will find a lot of peace here.

https://www.facebook.com/events/235618606604992/

He/She does not care enough? Keep Calm & Love Yourself

You will let someone, who does not care enough to decide foryour life. What do you usually do when you wake up in the morning? Look for your phone? Hope that, the person you consider special must have messaged, to say sorry for something that happened last night, or a week back, or to tell you how much you mean to him, or that he dreamt about you? Till how long will you let someone else define your happiness?

You are in your 20s; you have at least 30, or say 35 more years to go. You know right, how long that is? Will you want to spend all your life behind that one person who does not care enough?

Don’t you miss being a child? As a child you got up in the morning, looking outside the window, staring at the sun, packing for an adventurous day at school, learning, playing, and talking all day. Coming back tired, looking forward to yummy food & may be your favourite cartoon. Don’t you miss that instant happy sleep, and waking up directly the next morning?

Who says you can’t cope up with this thing called, ‘quarter-life crisis’?  Wake up, stare at the sun, let your phone be there, beeping all the time. The messages can wait, but not your life.

Walk up to someone who has been there always, who cares, and is within the reach, right in front of you, pass a smile. No such person in your life? I’m sure you own a mirror at least.

Make yourself breakfast. Delicious- compliment yourself, pack some and share with the people at work. Super-bad, curse yourself and promise to do better the next time. Get on your feet and go to the work with the same innocence you walked to school each day.

I’m sure you don’t want to end up graying your hair so soon. Look there, a lot of people, expect a lot from you, work harder, and earn yourself some experience that counts. Don’t like your job? Quit. Risk is a part of life. Find a new one, or simply work on yourself, learning never stops. Start loving yourself.

Life is very short, and yes, you don’t want to waste it onsomeone who doesn’t care enough. Create your own identity.

Inequality also begins at home

Since past several months, something has been constantly disturbing me. I have tried to put it down here; I don’t know how you guys will perceive it. Views, opinions are welcome in the form of comments.

For instance, there are two siblings, one being a boy and the other being the girl. Both are in their 20s, both of them have a wish, maybe to buy something expensive, of course a middle class cannot afford to spend on both the things in the same month, and one of them will have to wait. What my questions is, often why is a girl made to wait? Why can’t a father or a mother ask the boy to adjust, and wait?

Another instance, both of them are earning, the girl wants to spend her salary on her wish, but she isn’t allowed to do so. Why? That money has to be saved for your marriage. It is a saving. Sounds sensible, agreed, but then when the boy earns, he goes straight to Dominoes, spends as much as he wants, comes back home, and says he wants to buy something from his salary this month. Parents will argue, try and explain him that he should not spend on something not essential, but in the end, give up, and let him do what he wants to.

At the same time I have seen a lot of families where the scenario is balanced or exactly opposite but most of the times, it is the same story mentioned above.  What I have narrated above is just an example, a lot of such incidences happen every day.

I’m lucky enough to have parents who since I was kid, always said, “marriage? Forget that, earn enough for yourself, learn to manage our expenses yourself, and then we will get your married to someone you want to get married to”. I have been staying away from home since 5 years now, but even today, when my mom has to take a decision regarding my brother, his life, his career, anything, I’m called for my opinion and views. My brother demanded that he should be allowed to ride my scooty. My Dad clearly stated, “Ruchika is coming next week, if she allows you to use it, you very well can”, and no my brother did not feel insulted, in fact he was confident enough that I will never say no to him. This does not mean, the boys in my family aren’t important. What is important is that, the sister is elder, and she has all the rights to decide for her brother just like his mother or father.

There is no high or low. There has to equality. There has to be logic. There has to be respect for every individual. If you treat your daughter second, and your son first, then expect the same behavior from your son for his wife and his daughter. The same behavior will be passed from generation to generation, and a woman will never come out of the social problems she has been facing since ages.

Don't walk away

It was just another day; they had not spoken properly for a week now. And in that one week, her life had gone upside down. She had taken such decisions of her life, for which he was responsible equally, but was not there for her.

Some two months back something had gone terribly wrong with her, and he was right there, besides her, helping her out of it. But all that was flushed down the drain now. What is the point now? He isn't there for her throughout, he left her midway. She had to face it alone, and he made it worse, because now she had to start from the beginning, learn to stand for herself, and stop hoping he would come for her.

Last one year was frustrating for both, yet she stood for him every time, and he wouldn't walk away forever. They both tried hard to make it work, but unfortunately he lost his patience and walked away, promising he would never return back, and warning her to stay away from him. And coincidently it happened when she needed him the most, she went through the trauma all alone, without putting him in trouble, or creating a fuss out of it.

He returned back, a week later, the same day she emerged victorious in moving out of him, and creating a whole new identity for herself in her own mind. He returned and it wasn't very long since he had left, so she fell for him, yet again.

It is just another day today; they haven’t spoken properly since three days now. He says he will, but he said that a day back too. He says he will call, but she has a meeting to attend. He says he will talk, but what about her work. Of course you don’t disturb someone when he/she is at work. And of course you don’t irritate someone, when he/she is having fun with friends. She understands, but what about her time.

It isn't that important that in a relationship you communicate daily. But when the need arises, you do need to communicate. And for a matter of fact, communication can never be one-sided. It has to be two-sided. Moody she understands, Space she understands, but ignorance for the one you have loved so dearly that you have kept giving her chances, she doesn't understand.

It’s time to move away, when the value decreases, priorities change, when standing on the road and talking to random someone becomes more important the person waiting to hear from you.

The world is a small place, someone somewhere someday would take it all away from you, you might never regret it, sit there and say, ‘what has to be yours, will be yours’ but remember, earning something, and treasuring it needs efforts.

Happiness is You

Love never dies. Hope is constant. Wish is unavoidable. Life isn't perfect. All that can be altered is you.

Most of our life seems messed up when we expect it to be altered, to be better, to be near to perfection, to be like the way we would like it. But happiness could never be defined, and if someone did define happiness, it is nothing but you.

All of this seems so irrational, when you apply it in your life. You still expect, you still want the other to make you smile; you still desperately want to be happy. Happiness is all everyone wants. But what gives one the desired happiness differs.

Sometimes you give-up relying on others for that smile, but you still expect people not to ruin that smile, or not to be the reason for your sorrow. So again you are relying on others for your own happiness.

Sometimes you just cling on to people, because sometime in life they were the reason for your happiness, they still are, or maybe not, but we tend to expect them to keep us happy. So again your happiness is in hands of someone else, who has defined happiness for himself in a different way then you.

Happiness is love for yourself, love for your own strengths, your weaknesses. It is the confidence, the patience, the kindness you possess, for yourself.

Loving yourself gives you the unconditional happiness and the strength to love the other.

Still I would say Happiness is over-rated. Isn't being sad also satisfying sometimes. How many times did you cry and cry and then slept like a baby? We will come to that some time later.  

On your Birthday: A Virtual Gift from me to you! XOXO

As much as my memory goes, It was July 2010, when I first met this really TINY (yes yes tiny), cute female who turned out to be one of my closest friends over the years. This Blogpost is dedicated to those 4 years (well, almost) of my life that I spent with she being incredibly huge part of. 

To Shreya,
My love (No, I am not a gay)

Lets start this here, I'm sure you will kill me for this picture, but I'm also sure you understand the importance of this really sad picture of us. I think this is when we actually started to talk so much, all about You, Me, and how very much LIBRANS we are! ummm...yes, yes, PROUD LIBRANS!!!

BWHAHAAHA, Yes you have turned out to be a sex-bomb over the years! *Wink Wink*

Not many would understand the relationship between us. We aren't the gooey mushy kind of friends, we don't have pyjama parties, we aren't insecure about sharing our friends, and we don't discuss lipsticks (I don't). We are unpredictably best friends whenever it is convenient for us, and rest of the times we prefer not to bother each other, still care. You know right? That I love you! 

I look like your mom here!!!! 

The pretty, tiny girl that you are, your smile is so contagious that there have been times in college when I used to simply keep looking at you, or get jealous of that curve on your face (sounds, creepy right? confessions confessions!) You have always been a lady, who is stunning and strong at the same time. 

ahem ahem!

For every time that we have said 'pakk raha hai yaar', for all the mood swings, for those one or two cold wars we have had, for all that libran talks, for every time we sat and cribbed about our lives, for every time we discussed how bloody giving we are, all said at once, 'you are someone I would never imagine to be freinds, for looking at you, I'm so much reminded of myself, and till today I have remained confused about if I like you or hate the similarities between us' (confused us forever you know)

This incredibly amazing picture! 

Those times when I wan't very fat, and you were a cute little ball (forgive me for the description) and today, when I'm a fatass and you are a sex bomb, I love it all, You would say 'pakka mat yaar, u r soooo pretty', yaaa maybe, but still please don't you deny the fact that I'm FAT now! but I love myself because you know we are Librans, we can't hate us (umm...we can actually)

Not just Jazz by the bay (show-off)

We can ever get tired of complaining, We can fake the smile perfectly, hold on to the straight face, ignore when we want, get attached and detached pretty easily (provided the person opposite doesn't hold any grudge), love unconditionally, crib about life, yet be so lively. Dance and cry uncontrollably , love and hate ourselves at the same time. We are the perfect example of lil drama and lots and lots of pin straight life (PIN STRAIGHT). We are so cool and also so sad at the same fucking time!

With love and all the weirdness!

Yes, I will always be right here, waiting to hear to your complains, here to make you feel good about yourself, here to make you smile when low, here to make imaginary plans and enjoy the temporary excitement!!!!! And I'm here to get admitted with you on the bed next to you when we both suffer from Anxiety-induced blood clot!!!

And yesh, you will always be that tiny, pretty, completely mad friend, And we will always keep hogging on all the sweets in the world (more of Gulab Jamuns) and so much fish!!!! I love you as much as you love Gulab Jamun & Dance combined together!!!

Love,
Your Twin Libran!
XOXO

Now give me this!!!!!

The Aarushi-Hemraj Murder Case - A view

Came across a detailed investigation in Tehelka yesterday morning, Have read it thrice already since yesterday. I don’t know how true it is, but as long as Tehelka’s reputation goes, they won’t print anything so serious, with so much confidence in their words. Till last year even I believed the media reports that said ‘The Double murder’ was a honor killing,  but recently, few months back, after reading a lot of reports on honor killings and the rapes around the city, it is a little difficult to believe the honor killing motive linked with the double murder.

As the Tehelka report goes, there are absolutely 0 evidences against the Talwars, and substantially evidence against the aides. I somehow come to believe this, even if I sound biased or irrational, I don’t see the point of killing their only daughter because she was on the bed with their house helper. Firstly, as many such cases I have heard about, the abuse/bad behavior/torture from the side of the family in such cases happens over a period of time before the actual action (killing), but here as per the reports, the Talwar family looked a happy family, with none of Aarushi’s family, friends or even her school’s staff complained of she being depressed or any negative change in the behavior. I don’t believe the fact that a father will get up, pick up a golf club, enter his daughter’s room, just because he heard some noise, and not even think once before hitting her on the head. And even if it did happen, is this one of the evidence the CBI is fighting the case on?

Secondly, After suffering mentally, physically, financially for almost 2-3 years after their daughter’s death, being blamed as the murderers of their only daughter, being almost convicted, no person will want the case to reopen, simply, because if they were really the murderers they would have dreaded conviction, and would have relieved after the CBI closed the case, declared no evidence against Talwars. If the Parents hated their daughter so much, that they killed her, wouldn’t they just get back to their normal lives after the case being declared closed.

Thirdly, the report mentions that the sequence of the crime could possibly be this (confessed by the aides in the narco and other tests) The aides gathered in Hemraj’s room, consumed alcohol, discussed Aarushi, entered Aarushi’s room, and probably tried getting close to her, and her refusal made them hit her. Well, isn’t this believable? Haven’t we heard about all the gang rapes happening around? The fact that they had consumed alcohol only makes a little more believable.

I don’t know if the report is completely true, but read it once, and you will be left with so many questions, and absolutely no trust in the Indian Judicial system, The police and The CBI.

Read here:  http://www.tehelka.com/framed-the-aarushi-hemraj-murder-case-an-investigation/

Divine Possession

She entered the temple, with a lot of difficulties, and as soon as she stepped in, something rushed into her body, within seconds she lost herself, there was something else in her body, a different soul, it felt like she was possessed.

Never before had she felt this way. Her day used to start with completing the chores at her house, and then walking to the town, to help other women with their chores. she was a helper, or rather we can call her a maid. She was 19 years old, and cleaned the house, washed the clothes and the utensils for nine different families. She had studied till 5th standard, was a smart girl, but due poverty couldn't study further, and to forget she was a girl, so she had to learn to compromise and work hard, both at the same time.

That particular day, like every other day, she walked to the town after completing the daily chores at her own house with her mother. suddenly she started feeling uneasy, it was the ninth day, 'Navami', the last day of Navaratri, the next day will be Dusshera, the victory of good over evil. As soon as the mother of the house opened the door, she fell on her feet, and pleaded to be taken to the temple, some temple, she did not know which temple, but she felt the urge to go to the temple. Out of humanity, and knowing the girl for more than 5 years now, they took her to the temple.

She entered the temple, and it rushed into her. Yes, she was possessed. Possessed with the divine power. I was right there witnessing it. I had always heard about this phenomenon, but like most of the researchers and psychologists say, it is a disorder, I thought the same, I always thought to myself, it was a drama. But here it was right in front of me. She was possessed. My mother, was happy, 'This is lucky' she said. 'We got the darshan of devi, in person'. I wasn't listening to her. I kept looking at that young girl. The pain in her eyes. The anger in her actions. She looked true, she wasn't acting, that wasn't drama. She was dancing, crying, yelling, rolling on the floor. She was in so much pain, she wanted to say something, she wanted something, women around kept asking her, but she kept crying, kept yelling, I could not stop myself and went and held her. It was scary, it was a very small temple, with so many things lying around.

I looked into her eyes, so much remorse, so much pain, and suddenly someone walked, did something, I don't know what, I kept looking into her eyes, and she was back, back in her self. She wasn't anymore a Goddess, She was the same girl, who will have to get back to her life the next day.

She was possessed, and that wasn't a drama, it was for real. I don't know what possessed her, but something did. I tried talking to her later, but she wouldn't speak, she sat in a corner of the temple, lost in her thoughts. The same girl was getting all the attention just minutes back, and now she sat in a corner, alone, no-one to even offer her a glass of water.

You make a plan, are super-excited about it, and somehow it is all ruined.

This was the third event they had missed together. She made the plan 2 days back. ‘Listen, we need to do 2 things this month, one attend xyz exhibition and two go and celebrate Oktober Fest somewhere’, she had told him 2-3 days back on whatsapp.

His reply was clear, ‘Jayengey’, he said. The exhibition was ending soon, last two days, and she thought to her, weekend, weekend is the best time to go there. She will be free, mentally also. But somehow before she could say anything, he had some urgent work to be completed. They missed it yet again.

She wanted to attend it, because the exhibition was about something they both would love to attend. Very rarely their likes matched. And this was something both of them were passionate about. This had happened the third time.

She was upset, wanted to meet him, but he was busy with his work. She planned to meet her girl friends instead, but considering the work hours they could meet only late in the evening. Informing him was important, but as always, that made him upset. ‘jaaaa’ he replied to her.

Next day she had plans to meet her girly gang. It becomes really difficult to keep in touch once you start working. And then there comes a time when you really want to meet those college friends and talk about everything you can. She was happy and determined to meet them, click pictures, bitch, and feel content.  He was upset once again. He rarely said it directly, he normally changed his tone, or just suddenly would get caught up in some work and tell her that he will talk later.

She had plans next day too. She mentioned that too. He was already upset or maybe it was just in her head. He rarely said it directly. ‘Leave me alone when I’m upset, I will be fine later’, he always said. But that moment would all ruin it, she would keep thinking about him, even around her friends. ‘That is the problem, you think a lot, did I ask to think’, he would say then. But she cared, cared about his happiness, his approval mattered to her.  ‘So why do you plan something you know will make me upset’, he said. What about her happiness? Who will think about that?

What have you done, it has left her so numb

What have you done, she is so numb,

she loved you so; you never really know

She wanted to roam around, talk her shit out,

But you never came back, the faith you lacked

What have you done, it has left her so numb

She sits and thinks sometimes, about all the good times,

but all the bad is done, and it has left her so numb

Yes you have your own life, and she was a part,

she made you her life, and it made her so numb

Every little bad thing you said, made her depressed

Every good thing you said, got a smile on her face

Every kiss that you made, gave her so much faith

Every mistake that she made, put you away from the faith

She knows there is no future to this, but somehow there is so much hope to it.

Like a fool she sits and dream the good things

Her life is like a boat stuck somewhere

She knows the direction, but can’t make it there

Numb she is with no one there

she will figure it out, but don't know when....

She has lost it all, that could make her rest

She has found, nothing, that will make her the best

One seed that she nurtured with the care,

couldn't grow and none ever cared....

Life’s like that everyone said

But when asked why, no one cared

You will be fine, they said

But when asked how, they left her there

Birthday Post - I'm feeling Lucky

Some 21 years back, a really beautiful lady was 9 months pregnant, and was out with the love of her life, to watch the colourful and musical festival of Navratri on the streets of Ghatkopar, when she started craving for an ice cream. So the obedient husband, his best friend and the lady went to a nearby restaurant to have some ice cream, apparently the ice cream was called 'gadbad ghotala', and suddenly she realised that the baby inside her tummy wanted to desperately come out and dance to the tunes of the garba music! That was 27th September 1992, and the baby was successful in coming in this world on the 28th of September 1992.

 Till date, Navratri has been her favourite festival, and garba her favourite dance form. Unlike most of the families in India, this particular family was looking forward to a girl child, and their happiness knew no bounds today, 21 years back. It is 21 years since that day, and till today they have been proud to have, not one, but 3 beautiful girls in their family.

 Today on my 21st b'day, I feel lucky to be able to pick up my phone, understand, and be able to write about my feelings. I feel lucky to know my Birth Date. I feel lucky that all my 21 birthdays I had a cake to cut, I had an opportunity to celebrate it. In spite of being a girl child, In spite of being a women, In spite of coming from a not-so-modern family. I Feel lucky to have a FAMILY.

Two Different people, Two different perspectives!

He decided to buy it, and she was happy, because she always wanted it, but could never buy it. They researched around it day in and day out. After a lot of research he canned the plan of buying it at all. That made her sad, but never mind, she would convince him someday, she convinced herself.

One afternoon, suddenly he wanted to buy it again. She smiled to herself, she was successful. But she never knew there was a lot to come. The research started again, and this time she had to convince him to buy what she wanted to always buy, and yes yet again, she won.

It was bought, she was happy, he was happy too, finally something they both loved, wanted was theirs. He loved to click and she loved getting clicked. He clicked her with his newly bought camera. She was the first one to get clicked with his brand new camera and the happiness knew no bounds.

Some days back she wanted the camera, just, because she wanted to click, because she wanted to explore, because suddenly she felt like she could click, she asked him for it. He did not refuse, but forgot. He forgets a lot of things that she says, because there are other important things to remember, Or because he has a habit of forgetting things. She ignored.

One fine day, happiness was around the corner, both were busy with their smart phones and then she looked at the screen of his phone. He was talking to his best friend who is one of the most important parts of his life. And she realized that he is selling it off for another one.

He felt bad that he hadn't told her, but he hadn't told her because he wanted to surprise her with the new one. That is so sweet, and that made her happy from the inside, but what distressed her was that she was attached to the old one, she wanted to see it, touch it, yes he owned it, but wasn't she equally a owner, or maybe not. She loved it, it was her first one, their first one, and she wished to see it. But he had a plan, a plan to surprise her, to see that smile on her face, is it right to ask him about this plan, was it right to ask him to get the old one back so that she could bid it a goodbye.

Whose mistake is it? Who has to compromise/understand/adjust? Who should let it go, and embrace the happiness for the other? 

Love is not a sacrifice!

Certain people in life leave a long-lasting impact on you. Some are warm and walk along with you without you knowing at all, and some just leave you as soon as you get into some trouble. Yet you fall in love with those who are the most difficult to get, who you feel are better, smarter than you.

The love is so deep, deaf, blind that all you can see, hear, feel is just that one person. He/she becomes your lifeline; you can look into their eyes forever, and can hear that person till the end of your life. So much so that it frightens you to be so addicted to a person. You, for a matter of fact, know that this is not how it should be, but the love is so dumb and deaf that it never understands. Only your heart works day and night, your brain stops functioning.

Then comes a point when your intense love becomes a habit, it becomes a ritual, you don’t imply to irritate someone, but your constant looking into the eyes, your constant talking, texting, calling frustrates that person, and then comes the understanding part. You slowly and gradually stop losing control on yourself and unknowingly the mood, behaviour  words of that person start controlling you. But still the brain does not respond, the heart keeps getting hurt.

One fine day you wake up to see that your lover has left forever, He/she is still there, because it is difficult for that person too, but there is no love. The love has left both of you for some good, but still the brain refuses to respond, all that works is the heart. You remember all that you guys have done for each other. You cry and cry and cry, people, friends, family, everyone starts talking shit about that person, but you refuse to accept. They ask you to move on, but you just can’t.

This is the time you need each other the most, but no, both of you think about yourself, about your heart. You cross-examine yourself, start finding faults in you. You blame yourself for everything. You feel paralysed  helpless, a part of you is walking away and you can’t do anything about it.

All the good memories linger around you, and all the bad keeps forcing you to leave. You are stuck in between nowhere. You know there is no future, but still you want to give it a chance, in spite of giving it a chance 1000 times before. Everything around reminds you of that one person. Then you start thinking that the person isn't happy with you, so why cling, leave him, and sacrifice your love.

No-one knows what is right and what is wrong. When in love people have their own definitions of love, and when love is lost, you ask yourself what is love, remember Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all ~Alfred Lord Tennyson, never regret, cherish your love, because when there are 10 bad things, there are 10 good things happened. You might not be able to ever forget, but you will ultimately forgive. Moving on is a little over-rated, a person, truly in love never moves on, he/she just makes herself believe that there is hope, and lives to get back the love.

Teaching- reduced to a mere profession

Teaching:the noblest profession on this earth, very true. Most of my family is into teaching. From my Grandfather to my Mother, most of them have been teaching all their life. My Grandfather is 75 years old now, and he is still teaching. I have heard a lot of people saying, ‘so nice Mrs. Thakkar you get all the Bank holidays, summer vacations, and you don’t have to work 9-5’, well that is true,but people don’t realize teaching involves a lot of hard work, patience and is one of the most difficult tasks.

When I hear my grandfather talk about his younger days as a teacher, I hear so many interesting stories; some make me laugh, and some make me wonder. And when I hear my mother talk about her experience I notice that there is sharp decline in the respect,the gratitude children have for their teachers. My mother has been working as a teacher since she was 20, it has been 25 years today, and today she isn't happy with her profession.

We often blame the education system for everything. We talk about how boring our teacher was, but there is a lot to it. I have just started my career, and I'm paid what my half of what my mom is paid, in spite of having a 25 years experience. Yes, the professions differ, but do you realize that teaching in a school is the base of what a person becomes in the future.

Youth today don’t want to teach, why, because there is no future, where is the growth.  There is an acute scarcity of teachers today, and the entire load is on the teachers who already exist in the schools. There are certain rules for every school, limited subjects; limited periods are allotted to teachers. My mom is in her 40s, and she takes 2 subjects, Science and Maths. Recently she was trained to take Information Technology. My mom has no idea about computers, she does not even know how type a message, imagine she learning computers, about the softwares I haven’t heard in my life in just a month (twice a week) and teach her students. Of course students will find her stupid, she will be laughed upon.

Lack of teachers, declining quality of education, declining respect for teachers,the level of gratitude for teachers going down, and a lot of other problems,affects the future. Teachers' Day has been reduced to a mere ritual. It is high time that the policy makers of the country paid attention to this vital and neglected sphere.

These are only some things I know, I'm sure there are a lot of other issues which need to be addressed urgently!

Talk about Rape!

Have been reading a lot about ‘Rapes’ a lot these days. Every Tom, Dick and Harry has something to say about it. Nobody realizes that talking, tweeting, assuming, writing, debating is very easy, but actually going through the agony, the pain, the disgust, the whole fucking situation (during and after rape) is pathetic, be it a attempt to rape or even rape. Most of us, girls, have gone through an attempt to rape kind of a situation once, or several times in our lives. Stares, touching at all the wrong places, groping, passing lewd comments, is so common that we have started considering it us a part of our lives. When I sit and write this piece, I go back to all the situations I have gone through in the 21 years of my life, since the day I was born. I want to collapse and die right here, not because I'm ashamed or disgusted but because I ignored all of those really disgusting attempts of various men around me, just like that, instead of raising my voice or stabbing them to death.

 People are talking about the rapes going unreported, well, try going to the police, or even your own parents or friends, and narrate what, how, where, when the rape happened to you, you will realize how much courage and determination you need for that. It is easier to sit and shout, get to action, and then go debate in the media. Every person, or rather every girl has two personalities. We are moulded into two different people. One is full of emotions, be it anger, shame, or love, and the other is the practical one. The first is our natural self, which would want to revenge, teach someone a lesson, love a person no matter what, be kind, or extremely rude, and the second one is completely made-up, the one that the society will approve off. Usually the second one is stronger, and forces the girl to shut up in the fear of the society, which includes her family and closest of friends.

Punishment? Stricter Laws? Government Action? Really? All of these are going to help? No, they won’t help, because the Rapists don’t really care. It’s the urge that they care about (no matter how disgusting it sounds) and you can’t reason that out. What they care about is the fun, they wouldn't think about the consequences before committing the crime, they don’t have enough time, the urge, and the girl both will get away if they consider any kind of thinking before committing the crime. You say that all these heinous rape cases being reported by the media will stop people from committing this crime? All this tweeting, debating on national televisions, forming an opinion, defining rape is going to help? No, it is making it worse. I have seen guys talking about rape, discussing about it and laughing, because it is no more a crime, but a fad, a trend, if you are a part of a rape you are cool, you are on TV, people are talking about you, after all any publicity is good, isn't it? Isn't that what we people say, isn't that what media believes?

 Stop it for God’s sake, Since the Mumbai Rape Case happened all that I have been seeing in some of the leading newspapers is RAPES, Rapes all over India suddenly being reported, editorials full of what is wrong and what is right, articles about how a girl should ensure her safety, all kinds of does and don’ts. All of this isn't doing any good, women will still shy away and not report rapes, Men will still commit the crime, there is no end to it, unless we decide to change the way we think, unless we change our belief system, and that is a pretty long process, till then at least stop this sudden love towards preventing rape, only when the crime is committed and reported, and then forget about it, till some other group of men commit the crime again, for the much needed attention, for fun, and for the instant fame.