Go on, O traveler!

How does it feel to be different? Having a different set of ideas, and standing by those ideas always? How does it feel to be considered as an outcast? Because you don’t know what you want to become in life?

He woke up asking such questions to himself each day. He likes to spend hours in his bathroom, with the tap on, listening to the drops hitting the water in the bucket. He is lost in his own thoughts most of the times, and fears that his thoughts will kill him someday. He loves being around people and discussing, but he finds peace in being alone in the company of some music or his thoughts alone. He wants to give up on everything and hit the road, with or without music, because what he believes is that world is music. There is constantly music around us, we fail to acknowledge it, probably because man has stopped imagining all the beautiful things, and has lost the ability to perceive things as they are, without judging them.

He says, Go on, O traveler. Life is a car and time its wheels. He wants to drive his car, but people often pull and push, hit and run, turn it around and kick it hard. No, that does not affect him, he is still on the driver’s seat. He loves colors, but somehow black and white appeals to him more than anything else. He wants to go back in time, and experience the nature at its best. Maybe be a nomad for a while. He believes that thoughts, thoughts alone are the best friend of man. There is high that the air gives us. He does not blame the world. He feels sad for the people, because most of them are in a bad trip and they don’t know how to enjoy that bad trip.

He has learned the art of enjoying the bad trip and converting it into a good one when he feels like. He hasn't perfected it, but his thoughts often give him confidence and hope. He likes being around his thoughts, he talks to his thoughts, argues, discuss and they together come up with a conclusion. He is just like everyone, with a different set of ideas and thoughts, and that makes him what he is. He falls in love, eats, dances, talks, meets people but everything with a different perspective in his mind. It’s his soul that talks, he chooses not to use his brains when it is not needed. He loves himself, and so he loves his life, he loves everything that God has created, because he believes everything is out there because it was meant to be there.

And that’s why, when he looks around, he says, ‘Go on. O traveler’. 

The words didn't betray her. That dream did.

It came as a feeling of joy. She couldn't believe it as happening right inside her mind. She could feel each word she was reading, and connecting so easily with the simple things the book talked about. It was as she was in conversation with the book. It was like the book asked her if she wanted it, and gave her exactly what she asked for. The plot shaped up just like she was imagining it to be. As she read one word and guessed the other in less than a second, she was right about each word that followed. It felt like both the book and she had some telepathic power. She seldom read books, given the fact how lazy reader she was. But every time she did, she knew where was the book heading, she exactly knew what will happen next. Maybe she picked me predictable books, but it gave her happiness. It gave her the feeling of a competition that she won almost all the time.

She would say, “I’m in love with you”, and before she completed her sentence, the book would say, “oh! How much do you love me? Every book she picked up, could talk to her, would become her best friend, or even a lover and could read her thoughts. She felt like she was the one writing the book. It never betrayed her.

Not until, one day she picked up a book, just out of desperation, she was missing someone to share her thoughts with for a long time. She hadn't got enough time to read, or rather complete a book. She had left several books half read, because there was no joy in predicting them, she thought. That day she picked up this book, and promised to herself that she will finish it, no matter what. She started to read from it, and soon the book gave her the joy she was longing for. As she reached the climax, she realized she was tired, and decided to sleep. As soon as she entered her dreams, she couldn't help dreaming about the book. Dreams in a way are so uncontrolled. It’s like you are in a state of trance, and you are tripping and falling, but not being able to control yourself. She dreamt about this book, taking an unexpected turn. She tried controlling it, but she just couldn't, so helpless she felt about everything. Next morning, she woke up quite early, out of desperation of completing the book. She started exactly from where she had left, it betrayed her. It did not went like she expected it to go. It went like it was in her dreams. She felt betrayed. She gave up. She gave up after two chapters.

Today, her friend gifted her the same book. Her friend was quite excited, and wanted her to finish it quickly so that they could discuss it. All these years she hadn't read any book, as she felt betrayed. Today as she opened this book again, as promised to her friend, she couldn't believe she was reading the same book. The joy she felt was similar, but it kept going as she was predicting it in her thoughts. It ended just like she expected it to. She was surprised. She had found that friend again. She had found her love again. It was the same old lover she had missed all this years, and she realized how wrong she was about it.

The words didn't betray her. That dream did.

The memories came whirling around like a cyclone

All the memories whirling around like a cyclone. She yells on the top of her voice, but she is not able to hear her own voice. She puts her hands on her ears, and wants the screeching to stop, but it just does not. She goes blank the other moment, with everything around coming to a standstill. She murmurs something to herself, but her voice refuses to be heard. She bangs her head to the wall, and suddenly the memories come flooding in: He holding her hand, and whispering into her ears, “I will never leave you”. Tears roll down her eyes, but the smile does not leave her lips. She is happy because he had promised to stay true to her; he did not leave her side, even when everything had lost its meaning.

Everything was repeating, when she least wanted it to repeat. He was back, standing right front of her in disguise. She started getting carried away in the sea of love, she had no clue it would hit her so hard one day. There was so much similarity to everything, so much so that she hated it, but she had offered the remote control of her emotions to someone already. She was being controlled and she had no clue what was happening to her. Emotions were rushing down her veins, and she could feel them shiver. She wanted to break free and hug herself, for she was the only one she trusted the most, yet she could feel love and hate contradicting each other every moment.

Something came crashing down outside the window, and she woke from her dream. She put her hands on her heart, and felt her heart beating really fast, was it just a dream? Empty house, fan making some noise, she stepped down on the floor, it was cold, her body refused to move. She wanted some warmth, a warm hug could do wonders, but she was scared, one warm hug could owe her entire life. And then the knock on the door, memories wouldn’t let her alone.

Love - in every small way is meaningful

Love – I have always tried to understand this really complex and simple feeling that exists in the world. No-one could define it, the definition changes with each kind of a individual involved in the feeling, and then society comes with the most common of the definition, and start believing it, following it, falling in the feeling that has been defined by thousands of people who have lost love, cried and fought and never really sustain love.

I think Love is the most complex feeling a human being possesses. Love is essential but at the same time you want to run away, because you say, you don’t understand it, or maybe because you, like many others believe that when you love someone beyond limits, you tend to lose that person. Well, we forget the fact that, we love ourselves more than others, and 2 people who love themselves, try to control the other and lose it. Well, thats how it is, unless you possess immense respect for the other and agree to let them own you, or maybe give in to their love, which hardly happens, because your ego and the care do a weird summersault in your head.

We, Humans have defined love according to our own convenience. Today, ask anyone, everyone has a different understanding of the feeling love, but if you observe, everyone follows the same love, which is defined by the society. Very rarely you find people, who would want to break the barriers and love in a way that will be flawless and never-ending. I always tend to ask myself, why can’t you love two people at once? You won’t necessarily have sex with both, or plan to get married to the both, but still you would love both the people equally, and want to spend equal amount of time with both. But no, society limits love. You can love just one, and stay true to him/her, you cannot cheat on that person, but no, I'm not talking about cheating, it is just love for both, and it isn't shared, because love does not have limits, you can love everyone around you, with the same sincerity, with the same passion.

Well, but we tend to mix the beautiful feeling of love with mundane feeling of possessiveness, jealousy and blind faith and then lose it forever, because once you fall prey to these feelings, they don’t leave you, they stick to you forever.

Love cannot be defined, because it is not something you don't need to understand, it is something you want to feel. Everything in the world does not have meaning. That, what you feel, with absolutely calm mind, with no judgements, is what is meaningful. And love in every small way is meaningful.

You ignore, and it will grow louder

Last week, a friend, 19 year old, dared to enter the police station to complain about a boy teasing her in the college. Few months back, she dared to fight those monsters, escape rape, and walk to the police station with her story.

‘Xyz percentage of rapes, harassment, torture on women go un-reported’, I see this changing. She is not going to sit quite now, she will shout, shout on the top of her voice, to get justice, to get freedom, to walk with dignity, head held high. I’m smiling, when I type each word, because I know she is happy, she is confident, and she has the sword in her hand, ready to charge on anyone who points fingers at her.

I walk down the road, I see men staring, I see them murmuring, but I walk, head held high, because I know, no-one except myself, can scare me, the sword is in my hands. No-one but you have the grip, you are the only one who has the control, and no-one can touch you, because you have the sword, that you had kept aside all these years, and now you have picked that up. Walk, walk with our head held high, ignore the monsters, they are cowards, they won’t dare come around you, because you hold the sword in your hand, they are scared of you.

Society? I make the society. I nurture the society. I am the power. Society is just a concept, I define the concept. She defines the concept. No, the society will not change, its I who has to change, who has to constantly hold the sword, and be ready to charge it on those monsters. She only makes the grip firmer, because she won’t back down now, she will only wait, with attention, and charge as soon as those monsters come towards her.

From those discriminations, to the assaults, from that harassment to that torture everything will come to an end, soon. You ignore, and it will grow louder. She won’t shut up now, she will shout, she will charge, she will win, because she is I, and I am she.

You make a plan, are super-excited about it, and somehow it is all ruined.

This was the third event they had missed together. She made the plan 2 days back. ‘Listen, we need to do 2 things this month, one attend xyz exhibition and two go and celebrate Oktober Fest somewhere’, she had told him 2-3 days back on whatsapp.

His reply was clear, ‘Jayengey’, he said. The exhibition was ending soon, last two days, and she thought to her, weekend, weekend is the best time to go there. She will be free, mentally also. But somehow before she could say anything, he had some urgent work to be completed. They missed it yet again.

She wanted to attend it, because the exhibition was about something they both would love to attend. Very rarely their likes matched. And this was something both of them were passionate about. This had happened the third time.

She was upset, wanted to meet him, but he was busy with his work. She planned to meet her girl friends instead, but considering the work hours they could meet only late in the evening. Informing him was important, but as always, that made him upset. ‘jaaaa’ he replied to her.

Next day she had plans to meet her girly gang. It becomes really difficult to keep in touch once you start working. And then there comes a time when you really want to meet those college friends and talk about everything you can. She was happy and determined to meet them, click pictures, bitch, and feel content.  He was upset once again. He rarely said it directly, he normally changed his tone, or just suddenly would get caught up in some work and tell her that he will talk later.

She had plans next day too. She mentioned that too. He was already upset or maybe it was just in her head. He rarely said it directly. ‘Leave me alone when I’m upset, I will be fine later’, he always said. But that moment would all ruin it, she would keep thinking about him, even around her friends. ‘That is the problem, you think a lot, did I ask to think’, he would say then. But she cared, cared about his happiness, his approval mattered to her.  ‘So why do you plan something you know will make me upset’, he said. What about her happiness? Who will think about that?

Love - Conditioned or Unconditional ?

What do know about love? What have you understood about love? What makes you fall in love? How do you know if you are in love?

As ironic as it may sound, but love was the simplest and the most complicated feeling that existed according to her. She had fallen in love several times and believed that love could be shared and could happen more than once. Every time she broke up, she used to take months to move on, but once moved on she used to fall in love once again, not that she forgot the love for her previous boyfriend but still loved her current boyfriend as much as she loved the previous or even more.

Love for her was a very pure feeling, and she couldn't lie about it just because the society will call her a cheap or even a slut, or because her current boyfriend will get hurt. She always gave her 100% and was always loyal, but like love, loyalty cannot be defined. Being loyal doesn't mean you are not allowed to think about a third person, you are not allowed to appreciate the other person or you are not allowed to be human to other guys around. Being in a relationship should not restrict you or your feelings. Your love for someone doesn't mean you are bound to him. And if you say you haven’t fallen for any person, be it for his charm, looks, or just nature, since you are in a serious relationship, then 99% of the people are lying. Lying to their partners or lying to their own selves, or just binding their own selves to something that isn't acceptable.

Many people will argue that, people in love are supposed to be possessive. Firstly nothing is ‘supposed to’ in love. It isn't bound by rules and regulations, if it is, then it isn't love, it’s a compromise, a show-off or an adjustment. And yes possessiveness is necessary and natural but again it cannot be defined. There is a difference between being possessive and being insecure. Love is respecting a person and accepting him/her like they naturally are. People change when they fall in love, people do adjust when they are in a relationship but that change and adjustment should not be forced or even influenced, it should be natural.

Nobody can answer what is love, not even Shakespeare or even Shahrukh Khan. Love is different for each individual. She might believe in something that her partner won’t believe in. Both the people should be able to accept each other with the differences. It’s not always about what society thinks, it’s about what you and your partner think. Love is an amazing feeling, let be as amazing with will, don’t get your wishes around it and spoil the feeling.