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Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts

Monday, September 14, 2015

I'm guilty!

As I was beginning my morning meeting on a Wednesday , Arman walked in with his sister, crying. Unusual, because Arman had started to love school and would enjoy learning, unusual also because his mother hadn't come to drop him. As he entered class, I asked him why was he crying. He ignored my question and kept asking me, whether his mom or dad or someone from home will come to pick him up from school in the evening.

I assured him they would, but he wouldn't stop crying until I let him cry and continued with my morning meeting. Sometime later he got angrossed in the classroom activities and stopped crying.

In the recess, I took him on a walk around the school and asked him what was wrong. He said nothing. I kept trying to know what was wrong because I was sure something was extremely wrong. After a while he opened up. What he said got tears to my eyes and stabbed me inside.

'Didi yesterday I made a mistake, my mom got angry and she hit me, and she said I don't want a son like you, tomorrow I will leave you to school and not come to take you back'

'Arman does she do this all the time?'

'No Didi, but whenever she does, I feel she will really not come to take me back, didi what if she does not come today? Am I a bad son?' Tears rolling down his eyes.

No Arman, relax, she will come back, she is just angry, she loves you, she will definitely come to take you'

So many kids, including all of us, may have had similiar experiences like these. Do we as a parent or a teacher or even as a human ever think about these small things that affects a kid so much? Do we realise that these small little things, build up to damage the confidence, the feeling of security, of a child? Do we realise that this little kid might grow up and become the most insecure person we know? This little kid will have a huge inferiority complex, that will hold him back from being the best he can be? I ask myself these questions, and I feel guilty for saying whatever I said to a friend who was being stupid, because she wasn't sure if she should buy a expensive phone or save money for her grad school and she choose buying the expensive phone. I feel guilty for telling my mother she did not do anything to solve her problems in life. I feel guilty for shouting at a kid when he could not speak in a loud and clear voice. I feel guilty when I unknowingly made fun of that boy in my school who was the most quite and secluded person I have ever met.

I'm guilty.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

True Example of being a Sexist, a hypocrite, and a Asshole

Sometimes you need to say a lot of things, but it is best to keep quite. Certain people just don't matter to you, but you are so angry at their inconsistency that you cannot keep quite. Sometimes I feel it's easier to write than to speak to them, because talking mostly turns out to be a never-ending argument, so you might as well just write and pour your heart out, and believe that the person has read it, and though hasn't responded, he exactly knows what you think about him and feel guilty inside.

Well, I have come across a lot of really bad people in my life. I have seen those people who don't respect women, plenty of them in-fact and those who exploit their employees, but I haven't come across someone who has annoyed me so much in the 21 years that I have lived.

It pains to see how a man, happily married, to a women who he choose to marry, can try and get close to his female employee. It pains to see how he talks about the rapes around the city with concern and then explains you how you should behave in 'media field' where flirting is almost harmless. It pains to see how he tries to pep talk with his employees to know exactly how close she is to her family and friends. It pains to see how when one of the females in his office comes with a swollen face and he easily assumes that she has been beaten up by her boyfriend. The mentality just makes me sick.You then try to confront, thinking, he is a human being too, he would understand if explained the discomfort, you and others in the office are facing, but he would just stop doing that with you, as you seemed stronger and a women who would raise her voice, but there were other vulnerable women around, he can very well carry on and spice up his life with them.

He expects you to be in the office well on time, but refuses to pay your salaries on time, ask why, and he has an answer financial issue, I have a treatment going on, and my wife is sick. And right before she giving birth to a kid you announce that your wife is 9 months pregnant. I'm being terribly mean when I put this down here, but he was so ashamed to announce the good news about his wife is pregnant, probably because this child was being given birth just so that he could satisfy his desire of having a male child. Yes, my anger here is getting personal, because when someone requested him to do the salary on time one particular month, due to some financial issues, he couldn't control his rude words and said, "no financial issues are big as mine, you aren't married yet, I'm sure you can manage"

I wasn't going to put this down here, but guess what, he just doesn't stop irritating the vulnerable people, who have already resigned and are happy in their lives. He would still send them some egoistic messages, and ruin their day, probably because he is drunk or he is still not over the fact that all his employees resigned together, and when he relieved them all in an hour, no-body felt even a bit of a regret. Probably this simple fact, will make him a better person, or maybe some people are assholes for life.

I won't care if I have to sit at home all my life, without a job in my hand. What I care about is this should reach him, and deep inside he should feel that anger for being what he is. Mr. Asshole, English language is sure a necessity, but let us first learn to form one simple sentence in English correctly, and then blame others on how you are unable to expand your business because those poor talented souls cannot to talk in English. Hypocrite.